Straining toward what is ahead...

it seems that this time of year always makes me a little reminiscent of the high school days and all the conversations that took place then. It must be something in the air, or the way the house smells come wintertime that is just the same, and reminds me of this time --four years ago, even-- when, as a result of all the free time maybe, conversations were had that stick in my mind still, after all this time!

When I went to visit Dad in Albuquerque near the end of this summer, he fixed up and updated my laptop, and it occurred to both of us (after he saw all the music on here, and as a result, the lack of space) that there was a lot to clear out, as well as a lot to save. He gave me some discs to back up all the information here, and over the past month or so I have sorted through everything to save what I want and clear what it not necessary.

Because of this newfound organizational mindset, I have decided to start clearing out our pc at home. In so doing, I have come across a huge folder of saved past conversations, many of which are, of course, either sophomoric, sad, fairly pointless and/or mildly embarrasing. But that's what makes them so interesting to read!

This morning, I set out to read all of them and got through maybe 5 of forty and I sat down to one sensational discovery. Whether out of remorse or the occurrence that the person really did have a point all along, or both, I searched facebook for an old friend, to share with him that I finally understood what he was saying, to apologize for my stubbornness and to thank him for what he taught me so long ago.
I could not find him!

My heart did a funny sink-y pull and my mind started to process the disappointment that this was-- and just then a thought cleared the space in my mind as to make itself prominent as possible, and faded in beautifully:

"Forgetting what is behind and pressing on toward what is ahead"

And it made me think about now, right now, and living for the Lord and pursuing the Kingdom and how we can use our past to shape how we approach the future, and how soaking our minds and hearts in the past may not be the best way to go about forging our futures.

A lot of the conversations I had totally forgotten about anyway, so what is the point of going back to them, returning where I was? Every conversation that I did read today hit a familiar, nearly forgotten place in my heart, some much more pleasant than others. I will appreciate those for what I learned from them, but now I'm toying with the notion of chucking all of them, read or not --

Now, not all of the conversations were so gravely serious interactions that weighed on my heart and mind -- in fact, most weren't. Some are just the hopeful ramblings of a 16 year old girl looking to make some connection with some dreamy 16 year old boy, but they weren't substantial. They are fun to look back on, but besides nostalgia they're not worth a lot. If I don't remember some of the conversations I had, then obviously they weren't significant enough to mean a lot to my life, and as such, I should not waste time reading them, right?

If my life right now is to be about God and God only, then it's about time I lived like it, right now, not constantly thinking thoughts from the past -- happy or challenging -- but thinking totally on Him and how to serve Him with my mind and my heart and my actions [right now]. Maybe others can still maintain this focus while retaining all of their old communicative residue, all the thoughts and places in the development of their lives, but I think it's something that would be too much of a temptation, a distraction for me in the direct pursuit of God, right here, right now, with all that I have to offer.

---

Deleted. All of them. Officially.


"...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead..."
Philippians 3:13