So...

Yesterday was interesting!

First, mom and I prepared to take some rugs to the laundromat.

I got a call from one of the elders of our church that I had requested to speak with. He, his wife, and I were going to meet for dinner Wednesday to discuss some of the recent goings-on, but he remembered that they had a prior engagement for their grandson's birthday then, and did I desire to arrange another time? I suggested that anytime would be fine, and we could even just talk on the phone if that would be easier. Is now a good time for you, he asked? Now was. We talked then, and for the next 37 minutes.

He was a forwarding agent for missionaries in Zimbabwe years back, and also had served as the Missions Chairman at a different church for years back in the day. You might say hes had a little experience with these sorts of things.

Anyway, he had a lot of wisdom to share, and had brought up many points that I had never considered before. More tough things to chew on, more of those 'nutritive juices' to grow from...
and, long story short, I have come to decide that China is not in my immediate future.

As exciting and spectacular as the opportunity is,
and as rewarding an experience as I'm sure it would be,
I've come to realize that I'm just not ready.
While I'm sure God would take great care of me while I was there,
and would make the absolute best out of my efforts,
I just don't think it is the best thing for me to pursue right now.

And frankly, I still don't know what is.

One of the things he said that stuck in my mind was that we honor God with our preparation.
We all know I certainly didn't go about it the right way!

Sure, I did the best with what I was given, but there are many other consideration that I managed to gloss-over before with my idealism.

- Language

- Cultural considerations (reading up about it on a website once or twice doesn't quite cut it somehow!)

- The fact that I've never taught a class (which, apparently, isn't quite the big deal, but if I'm going to go into a situation like this, I should think I will want to have foundation enough to know, in my heart, that I was going to be the best teacher I could be. This way I would have confidence that would allow me to excel spiritually rather than be too preoccupied 'the teacherly things' to focus on anything else.

- I was not going out with a team, or going to join a large group of supporters. While the few there would, I'm sure, be tremendous support and would take care of me physically, emotionally and spiritually, there is just something about a strong network of believers that is important to be a part of.

- Those I would be joining have a different system of belief than do I. While they are sincere and have a great heart for God, pursuing this would put me in an awkward position. This hurt to realize. Just because they are different doesn't mean we can't work together for God, right? We could indeed still collaborate. But I would be representing, and identified as, something that wasn't exactly what I was all about. Perhaps that is not the best thing, for me, or for others that would desire to come to know God. Suppose they would ask how to know God and be saved? My choice, in responding, would either be to contradict those I was coming to work with or to contradict myself. I'd rather not do either.

There was a lot to consider, and a lot more preparation that should be done than should be fit into a week.

I thought about all this.

While we were waiting for the rugs to dry, I decided Id better call the visa service people when I got back home.

I did. They said they could hold it for me.
I checked my email. It said my visa payment had been denied! According to the time on the email, this had happened before I had even made the decision to not continue my pursuit.
If you want to know the details, I can tell you, otherwise I'll just let you know that I made a goofy mistake!

"Let's just go to lunch," I said.

The plan was to go to Banana Leaf for lunch, because I have been wanting to go all summer long and we finally had an opportunity! We got in the car to make our way there, and mom noticed that the our little garden at the top of the driveway needed watering. Could she do that before we left for lunch? I said yes, and checked the mail.

There were the usual bills of course, but also part of this particular delivery were two different peoples' contributions to my China trip (including one of their company's matched support) and my acceptance letter to the University of New Mexico.

I handed the letter to mom and started crying. Five seconds later (just long enough for her to take in the congratulatory remarks) we were laughing. School is scheduled to start Monday, August 25th.
What in the world?!
It turns out they had been sent to my Johnson address, and then took more time to arrive back here. Great timing :).
I contemplating getting everything ready, but realized again that there is a lot more preparation that would be nice to do before heading back to school. A lot more than should be fit into a week.

We finally made our way 'round to Banana Leaf, and found it was closed.
Mom remembered another Indian restaurant further down Bethel road that all the doctors raved about all the time. We went there.
It was delicious!

Afterward we stopped at Mike and Lisa's and saw the boys. They have grown up so quickly! Brandon was doing this hilarious impression of a couple of Indian men that sat in front of them on a roller coaster. Who knows what young kids take in?? He sounded pretty legit.

We went to Grandma and Grandpa's afterward so mom could pick up her car, which she left there for the weekend (some driving arrangement for work and heading to the Bass fishing tournament in Pennsylvania.) We talked for a long time as Schlaegels always do. Grandpa wanted to fill up my gas tank so we went and did that (bless him) and then headed out to go back home. I think it was the first time Id had to myself to think all day long. That was nice.

Mom had the radio on in the car (for the first time since forever) and a song came on as I was almost home. It didn't catch my mind until I heard this:



When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began.

...

And these broken parts you redeem,
Become the song, that I can sing

Here I am, Lord send me,
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is a part of your plan,
Here I am

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but you can.



Later that night I made some phone calls.