Too much editing and not enough revision.

October 27th

Jane Austen and Stash Chai.  Great morning, great season.

Amadeus

"Why?  Why would God choose an obscene child to be His instrument?"

Communication

He uses not spoken words, but whispers truth into images borne only by hearts opened at the eyelids.

Hanging from Your Branches

Today feels like growing up.  The mediocre things which used to please have lost their luster, and those of significance and meaning have not only remained, but risen to their places of rightful prominence.  Praise God for maturation, ripening, and developing our sweeter depths.

Scrap Medal

       

"I  like to make everything out of something old... anything I can find... everything."

I prayed for renewed love, hope and understanding, and God gave me Jeremiah.  I hoped as well to experience fall and he gave me Café Grotto, white chocolate mocha (not too sweet!) yellow leaves, their rustle, scatter and smell, and the perfect gift for a dear friend.

Not only does Café Grotto serve coffee, but also a fine craft gallery and metalworking studio.
Talk about inspiration.  I never appreciated metal works before yesterday; they always seemed too rough and  industrial for my taste.  After some years of experiencing appreciation and its lack, gathering 'preferences' and discerning distastes, however, God has taught me that much of what I readily dislike without any particular determination quickly becomes a fascinating reality after discussing it with Him, mulling it over with His Spirit.

He wastes not.  He exercises patient skill.  He not only sees potential, but makes it, and uses it to create more.  He delights in bringing meekness to austerity.  He knows nothing too sharp, too dull, too rusty, or too misshapen.  Hes made a million shades of brown.  Hes made a million shades of brown look glorious.

Metal, glass and wood are materials of contradictions. They are all strong and durable, yet soft and impressionable. Working under the most extreme conditions, fire, sparks and noise, I find the process of working with these materials exciting and inspiring. It is like performing a dance or painting a masterpiece. Smooth curves and gleaming patinas render lifelike qualities to these materials, otherwise known for coldness and rigidity. The final product dazzles the mind and stirs the soul.”

-Deb Moseman, Metal Artist

May God find our every shard at His disposal, available for His reworking; even those we have discounted as worn-out and useless.
'Rough and industrial' has become strong and industrious.
Surely He is a Crafter beyond any other.

lizz wRight

You are a place
where I can linger long
a study I am certain never to complete

I love the humble ecstasy of my heart's quest
to never find nor flag you
In this dance, I reach open handed with circling wrists,
careful not to pocket you in a knowing

In praise of dawn's uncertain light,
I wake and breathe slow,
and in the evening rest my head upon a
new page of reverence

never to be written
only to be turned

--lw

Return

                                         

                                                         

Looking at old pictures makes me want to make new, better ones.  I guess that means continually newer, better life.
That's only possible one way.

new discovery

instead of laughing, breathing out "ha ha ha ha ha," try "hallee hallee hallee hallee hallee!"
You will crack yourself up.

Your Way

is written on every pinecone,
every tree growth, if we could see from higher up,
every acorn cap and
drying animal crap.

The longer you look, the more life you see
The longer you look, the more death you see

C'est la vie
C'est la mort
C'est l'amour.

Water for life!

When it Gets Harder to Breathe

We learn:

Our limitations, to push a little harder, to slow down and to be more thankful for everything still possible.


Keep breathing, or else die.
(Our struggle does not come without benefit.)


...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
Romans 5:3-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

Matthew 7, and Lessons

both seem to have come up -- and together -- a lot lately.

It has taken me some time to realize that for each of the frustrations I face with the girls God has likely breathed just as heavy a sigh about the same thing in my life. Maybe even twice. Over my disrespect. Over my obstinacy to mature. Over how it takes me so long to learn, for example. By His grace though, it happens.
What a way to gain mercy!

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor." Matthew 7:1-5, The Message Version

My biggest challenge now seems to offer an appropriate discipline, sewed up in understanding, kissed with mercy and extended with prayerful hope.

I got to attend church on the Ft. Apache Indian Reservation this morning. The service began with singing, followed by testimonies about prayer and its effects on the lives of a few special ladies willing to share. I love the simplicity of spoken testimonies and the contrite volumes they continue to communicate, with boldish humility, through the daily drastic and delicate differences of the changed lives who claim them.

In addition to one of the testimonies, the message given also addressed Matthew 7, and focused entirely on prayer.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, it will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8, ESV

What use have we in standing at a door with keen knowledge that we must knock? And what do we intend by knocking? First we should have a reason to be there.
Then our knuckles need to touch the wood.

We sigh relief to ask, He delights to respond.

In time,
we respond to His delight.
He responds to our delight.
We delight to respond.

Youwanna Tibet?

The more I learn, the more I'm awed by the Tibetan will.
The more I learn, the more I'm aware good always wins.
The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know what's best...
but God does and I pray He teaches us to follow Him.

"What has happened to the Native Americans, or the Native Australians, is happening in Tibet."
Lhasang Thering

"The impact and influence of these changes leave you with no option but to give up or adapt. The eventual consequence is likely to be that there is no longer a 'you' left...you will vanish in the end."
Woeser

"We already made up in our mind; not argue about independence, but simply to gain meaningful autonomy."
Dalai Lama

The Sun Behind the Clouds

Life at the Mission?

You may wonder. You may wonder what I'm talking about.
One month ago tomorrow I arrived at the American Indian Christian Mission (AICM) in Show Low, Arizona. Here they host a school for Native American youth from the Navajo and Apache reservations, homes an hour away from school. In this case, the students stay here throughout the week and return home on weekends.

My role here is to serve as house parent for the older girls, 7 total; four in 8th grade, and three in high school. As a house parent, I have the privilege of offering my energies to their care and well-being; making sure they're in (and out) of bed at the right times, helping keep them on-track academically, enforcing chore accountability, guiding their hearts and minds in God's wisdom and truth, helping teach them kindness, love, responsibility, and respect, and making absolutely sure they brush their teeth before they go to bed [the last of which has proven a much bigger challenge than anticipated. Apparently not everyone has fully known and appreciated the joys of the just-brushed clean feeling. All good things take work.]

My girls are a hoot, both individually and collectively. Little by little, I'm learning more about their personalities, cultural preferences, young-chica vernacular, and what's driving their hearts.

Mini-Exposé

Names: Tameca, Jaylene, Lindsey, Riscilla, Sheriden, Chalcey and Chestina.
Preferred Dress:
Younger Girls - 'Short pants' (basketball shorts,) Jordans (or similar style sneaker,) and either a big comfy t-shirt, or something with cute print.
Older Girls (and younger girls on fancier days) - Skinny jeans, cute shirts, high tops.
Favored Pasttimes: BASKETBALL, watching movies, eating junk food, time with friends.
Favorite Foods: Anything spicy, including jalapeños, and hot-anything; especially Cheetos. Hot Cheetos are a 'thing' here. Also, pickles and kool-aid. How did it even begin?! More on this later.
Commonly-spoken:
'cheap' - not good, uncomfortable, ugly
'ugly' - bad taste (food)
'champ' - cool, really, really good
'tastes-es,' 'costs-es' - tastes, costs...
'rez'd out' - ('ghetto')
...

Life at the mission is good, but also a challenge. While I'm learning more fun facts about the girls, I'm also discovering realities not so appealing. But they're real life nonetheless, and God equips us to bring His peace to everything; rather than turn away from them, I pray He continues to give us all the wisdom to address them well.

The Facts

The suicide rate on the reservations is 14 times the national average. In some way, each of the girls has been affected by suicide, through family members' deaths, friends complications, personal struggle, or some combination.

Many of the students here are purported to have some gang affiliation. Most claim identification because of a family member's connection, so their ties remain loose, but still a reality.

Drugs and alcohol remain a major problem on reservations, causing many broken relationships between parents and their children. Though parents love, they cannot show it as they might like, so many children take on adult roles, and care for these kids is transferred to Grandmothers and Aunties. Life expectancy is considerably lower on the reservations. Even though our kids see the effects and might 'know better,' they're still affected by the strong influence this example holds over their minds and experiences.

All of my girls have dealt or are dealing with self-harm in some way. Three of seven have indicated suicidal thoughts in the last few weeks. I could joke about hoping it's not because I'm laying down the law too thick for them to handle since I've been here (and in reality I'm inclined to express as much because I need the levity,) but my superiors have shared that it's a widespread problem, year after year. And no wonder; these kids are dealing with a LOT beyond their levels of maturity and development.

Experiences of sexual abuse and rape are even more common on the reservation than other areas where these issues are a large concern. Many of my girls have been affected by these, too.

These girls are teenagers. And adults. And little kids. They're experiencing immense amounts of responsibility, neediness, and desire for independence as much as they want affection.

Life at the mission is a challenge, but an educational one. I never could have anticipated the need to squeeze every factual and experiential tidbit of my Johnson education into stewarding this new job well! It's heavily missions-oriented, and so much of my interaction with the girls has been shaped by what I've learned through the counseling courses. Also, much of it needs lots more reading-up! It really has required every ounce of my faith, prayers, previous knowledge, and current active efforts to learn more. It's taking all of me, and lots more.
Beyond any other lesson, I'm learning my severe need for dependence on God.

Life at the mission is good. And challenging. Educational. Draining. Exciting. At times, depressing. Hopeful.
Worth it.

It's easy for me to lean toward defining life here by the ways the girls respond to life, their day-to-day stories marked with emotions and reactions as skewed as the list above. But this is not wisdom. Though my life is very closely tied to their lives now, I need to remain steady in God's unchanging character and unshakable hope. I need to remain full of this peace in order to share it with them.

Life at the mission is a unique opportunity to love beyond the extent I know how, trust for strength and wisdom that far exceeds my own, and depend on God to make it possible to love and lead these girls well.

That's all for now. More to come (and further information about pickles and kool-aid!) later.

In His peace,
Ashley :)

Some days, all you want is more broccoli.
Some days, all broccoli wants is more you.