Gott wird versorgen
was ich brauche.

light micrograph

grapeseed

Right on, Moldova!

I'll have some Peace, please.

It is a great thing to laud peace as a virtue, and entirely another to have it, to know it within you.
When you want peace, is it something you command?
i.e.:
"Hallo peace, I'm confounded. Please now, get in my brain."
and,
"Oh, there you are, peace -- I had been looking allll over for you!  Now please, don't run off on me, again.  Tbh you're great, but have been a little fickle on me.  Or is it me?  Am I doing something to drive you away?"

"Peace is experienced as we believe what the Bible says about God’s nearness as in Psalm 139:1-12, and about His goodness and power, His mercy and love for His children... But we can’t trust someone we don’t know, and it is crucial, therefore, to come to know intimately the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ.

Peace is experienced as a result of prayer. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7)."
 - http://www.gotquestions.org/peace-of-mind.html


Perhaps it's really so simple as a sincere prayer away.  Even when we're uncertain 'about all that' -

It just takes the faith of a little seed
to make a way through what might seem to be
Impossibility,
And the ability will match the occasion
The outcome will defy explanation...
  (from Josh Garrels' The Resistance )

life from the heart.

God spoke grass.

Every day is like a little bit more forever.

Age of Intimacy

(less odd, anymore.)




Oh, I can see the day when we'll die
But I don't care to think of silence
For now, I hear you laughing
The greatest joy is like the sunrise

No gifts to give, they're all right here
Inside our hearts the glorious cheer
And in the house we see a light
That comes from what we know inside

I'll come to you, I'll sing to you
Like it's Christmas in the room
I'll dance with you, I'll laugh with you
Like it's Christmas in the room

For When You Need Inspiration

(and isn't that always?)

"Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.  You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again.'  The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:6-8

"...the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.... The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8

You wait
and wait and wait

you're so patient,
you don't push.

I live for what's eternal,
and in return am given life.

I celebrate my gray hairs,
I celebrate the brown

because they're a gift from You,
and You're with me always.
Can you help me know You,
even now?  To prefer
what's last
as first?

How Happy is He...

"Who God doth late and early pray,
More of his grace than goods to send,
And entertains the harmless day
With a well-chosen book or friend."

From The Character of a Happy Life, by Henry Wotton

Reflections on last night

(When it comes to Your light)
May my life be like a disco ball,
or bubble.

a trinity for the worst of me.

twenty four and,
in my long flower skirt,
tripod: head to living room floor, knees to elbows, soles to the ceiling --
i remember the first time my paradigms shifted.

then:
carpet draft sole, stilled to crickets and stars,
every type of grounded earth has to offer.

now:
a sunshine dance for the rest of this day, all Our days, songs of warm light and You

always
Your wind;
night breeze to
drafty Thanksgiving bedrooms to
right side up.

(If eternity is all of time, it includes right now.)

Thanksgiving

Feliz Dia de Accion de Gracias

Happy. Day. of. Action. of. Thank you.


So in español it really does mean 'Happy Thanksgiving', but manages to bring a little more flavor to the table with 'accion' -- that is, it's a day of showing our thankfulness. 

What does gratitude look like, displayed? 

How will you live your thanks?

Father God,
  There's no sound sweeter than a man's sincere heart singing praises to you.  It's an unassuming allure that takes me off guard but fits, as You're illuminated through the strength and humility of this song.  Please grace me to always enjoy this in life, should you will it.  Such goodness.

"He is everywhere.  There is no limit to God’s presence.  Because He is Spirit He is everywhere present.  He can’t get any nearer to me than He is right now.  He is not confined to a sanctuary, rock, or stone.  There is no place in the universe where I could run to escape from His presence.  He is here with me now.  As a believer, I get to enjoy fellowship with His presence.  He is not just a God who is far, but He is a God who is near.  He is aware and involved in everything I do today.  He knows my thoughts and my actions, and He is always here ready to hear from me.  He is the infinite, eternal God who makes Himself close to me today.  I am so thankful for His intimate presence in my life every day."
- Thanksgiving and the Attributes of God , Chris McMaster

Every choice is an opportunity for worship, praise ; a display of adoration.

dust means life

move

It matters not whether the feet move the mind, or the mind move the feet,
(or whether we have feet to move or eyes for perception at all)
but that there's capability for motion. 

Blood gets pumped, wind shifts, neurons travel - not of their own accord.

Experience births perspective - how insightful when it's fresh!

Move us Spirit, however you will.  When we're heavy and dull and stationary as rocks, getting stepped on is a gift. 

Though your waters wear us away, we're shaped.

Though a hammer pound us, we are freed from what once held us back.

Though ground into sand, the ocean is ours to travel freely.

Though stepped on again, we're carried to new places.


Move us, that we may see more of You.

// peace

Here's to clearer, more universally beneficial communication.

clarity in thought // clarity in action // clarity in speech // clarity in relation // opportunity for harmony

Overheard, 3

"Stop rushing life. You all got all ya'll life to live.  Let it come to you.  Let it come to you."

Moving; living.

Two years ago this time I met Rob Harris of Kontaktmission.  Now I live in his attic.

Haha.  That is to say I have now, exactly two years later, moved to work with Kontaktmission USA at their stateside office.  While it's true I've had the blessing to temporarily reside with the Harris family for the last few weeks (in a sweet, cozy attic),I've also recently been privileged to come upon an opportunity to move into Jackson, and shall do so this week!

Altogether it has been a big transition, but I feel like I keep meeting really great people, which is like total transition ex-lax. 

Makes me catch my breath sometimes, but that's okay as it makes me stop to breathe more deeply, and
the deeper I breathe, the more exciting life gets.
Encouraged and blessed. 

Just keep breathing.

May we always breathe You, God.

Missing you today, Colorado!

Introduction to a Story of Hope

You've been there, right?  That point when you realize you're completely helpless?  Its taken me long enough to realize (I'm optimistic to the point of obstinacy, more than less) but some keenly impossible situations and two diligently-deflating car tires later, I've finally arrived!
  To my delight, however, my disappointment lasted all of a second and a half.  No sooner had I taken account of the improbability of making level any of these scenarios on my own than my heart surprised me, giving off a laugh as sweet and incomprehensible and good as a Crayoned scribble-message from a little cousin.  Just like that, in my very own heart, I had become the perplexed new keeper of the oddest and most hopeful peace I could ever even begin to imagine. 
The laugh subsided into a small, cheerful whispered assurance. 
You see it now, don't you?  I'm going to make this so, so good!

by grace

I know what I know, which is increasingly more than I knew and less than I ought to have known. 
Grateful for understanding and wisdom, as any is a gift--
 still, praying for more, and it - with depth.

Moving to TN!

If this blog does, indeed, serve to chronicle my life's standout events and realizations, it'd be silly of me not to highlight the latest notable transition.  In two weeks I leave for West Tennessee in order to continue to grow into my long-term hopes to serve in a Member Care capacity with the good folks of Kontaktmission!
   Our tentative plan stands that I shall work toward paying off school loans before I'm prepared to focus on full-time work with Kontaktmission (KM).  As such, the more involvement I can get with KM as I work now, the better!  This in mind, KMUSA's director, Rob Harris, has worked hard to connect with his community in such a way as to make it possible for me to live and work with them in KM's stateside office's hometown, Humboldt, TN.  Here, I'll have the chance to work about 15 hours a week in the office and to supplement a full-time workweek at the local Café where I'll have the opportunity to once again navigate the adventure-full school-loan waters from the sturdy helms of my good old Barista-ship.
            On a special note, I should mention the significance of my ability to be paid for the work I will do in the office (mostly administrative and a little networking for now); that is - even the Director and his wife raise support to serve as they do in this ministry (this essentially means they connect with those who have a heart for the work and desire to help carry it financially and through prayer, making it possible for those serving to further concentrate their energies on the other efforts-at-hand.)  As I am to be paid for my own work in the office through their funds, my time with them will remain limited, as they must continue to do their best to allocate these funds in ways most sustainable to the organization as a whole.
            For as much as I enjoy the chance to brighten others' days by way of a well-prepared coffee drink, my bigger-picture hope is to inspire, encourage, and learn with them, through God's wisdom and love, to love and serve Him well.  I am excited as I mull over the definition of Member Care to discover the ways it resonates with my own heart and hopes, and the particular ways God has made me to serve His people, and so, Him! 
  Should you have any questions about the work or KM or Europe's current spiritual reality, please feel free to contact me so we can talk more about them!  (You can comment below, give me a call, email GoDioSmiles@gmail.com, send an intuitive pigeon...)  If you'd like to support KM in supporting me towards giving my full-time focus to their work, I'd be happy to talk more about that as well!)
  Grateful for the chance to share this update with you, and hope you're in for a satisfying and well-lived day.
Much peace,
  Ashley :)

Cada día es un viaje,
y el viaje en sí mismo es el hogar.
Basho

"...Every object, every being,

is a jar full of delight.

Be a connoisseur, and taste with caution.

Any wine will get you high.

Judge like a king, and choose the purest,

not the ones adulterated with fear,

or some urgency about 'what's needed.'

Drink the wine that moves you

as a camel moves when its been untied,

and is just ambling about."
Rumi

when a friend hurts

it's a rainy day here.






but the windows are open and the wind keeps breathing the curtains in, back out.

feeling heartbroken, connected, too far away.

Sunday

These are the days of a candle on the mantle and an open front door; the cool air of fall and baking we've not yet done - (this year, because nuts aren't in our budget, and what is carrot cake or oatmeal cookies without nuts?)  These days have flowers on the kitchen table, nearby lightswitch flipped 'off,' the rustle of mom and her paper on the Sunday porch, and an ongoing rumble of clothes in the dryer.  Expectation for tonight's dinner plans, rest, and a delay of the future's inevitable - Mondays, money, moves.  For now it's Sunday, and I have no homework.  I do have tea and a mercifully clean heart.  Life is good.

el atone-yo

Took quite a few double-takes today on the course of my walk home from the farmer's market.  Good looking men?  Noope. (Okay, maybe once.)  Whats really caught my eye lately are the leaves coming to grace the ground, and their c o l o r s !  They look fascinating in their brilliant combinations.  If I wasn't sure about having a favorite season before, I certainly am now.  And it's fall!  Feels silly to claim a favorite (what's the purpose in this, anyway?) but it also feels good, like having a cute crush and divulging the bubbling little secret to your closest girl friend :). 

         I     r   e   a   l   l   y     l   i   k   e     f   a   l   l   l   l   l   l     :   )   !

"Let me fly with you."

today

a place where the day's highlights can perpetually shine.  Little things, perhaps, but I don't want to forget the goodness brought my way so far. 

- Coffee from Global Gallery, the tumbler which incidentally matched my outfit.  (Why do I favor these little occurrences so?)
- Time with coffee and Ms. Plath at the Park of Roses.  Picked the right bench, as a few chapters in two of those pudgy little huff-puff doggies beelined through a rose patch to jump up and say hello.  Always had a preference for bigger dogs, but these little friends and their manner (and hilarious snort-y breathing) never fail to give my heart a happy laugh.
- Realized it was not, in fact, only Columbus' Victorian Village I like most in the fall, but all of Columbus.
- Thrifting for the first time in so long.  The holes in my clothes are starting to get holes.
- Driving south on High through the heart of campus, singing to Brandi Carlile (with windows cracked a bit so that I can sing for somebody, however inadvertently.  I play it cool, but inside always get a little excited when I think someone else is within earshot.) I enjoyed so much the liveliness of the place, people walking all about.  It's places like this I like the most, at least when my blood is feeling social --  Everywhere a promise of something good happening now and something good to do later.  Wished very much I had friends with whom to enjoy the afternoon there; we could go to a park, get some coffee, walk forever down High street until we felt like turning around. 
- It became clear that for as out-and-about an evening as that for which I had hoped, it was shaping up to be quite the opposite.  Stopped at World Market for the sake of lingering in that area as long as possible with no real intent for purchase except maybe to find a nice gift for a deserving birthday-girl cousin.  Found instead Chai for mom, as hers just ran out.  Normally I'd purchase it elsewhere, but it happens to be pumpkin flavored.  (I'm almost already as over pumpkin everything right now as I am all the political woo woo happening of late, but even pumpkin spice sauerkraut has a better chance of not making me want to puke than the tiniest taste of this less-than-savory political stew.)    As for the gift, I left with ideas.
- Made me think of the pumpkin greek yogurt Gracie Luu found at Trader Joe's, so I designated it my newest mission.  They had just about everything but, and what I left with was much the same; goodies appealing to my recent appetite, contributing to my running mental-list.  These included: sourdough baguette, acieto balsamico, super firm tofu to make in friend's friend's tasty fashion (at last!), green tea (also fresh out!)  and a modest wedge of comte, which I'm most eager to try.
- About to head home, and realized I forgot to check for nutritional yeast (part of what makes the friend's friend's tofu so good, and my popcorn forays so enjoyable) -- remembered in time to cut into Whole Foods' shopping center.  Had an adventure trying to find it, as the bulk section is new and re-situated -- (and boy, is it looking handsome!)  Found it, and this!  Their graphics creep me out, which is frankly enough to divert my further interest, but the description sounded sooo good.

As for the rest of the day, can't wait to meet up with Ms. Plath again and try that Weyerbacher, hopefully with some tasty, 'nutritionally fortified' popcorn.

A day in the life, I guess.  (At least when I have money! ha.)   I think it was about the time I was pulling into the thrift store parking lot, stepping out of the car into cool, skirt-blowing air, mind strangely soothed by the overcast, that I thought "I love days like this, so extraordinarily ordinary."  And it's true and good; life there for the living.  Here's to the keenly remembering and appreciating the days when we're under no obligation, when time lets go and bids us good venture with the wind.

I died, I died, I died. 
   I'm alive!

principles of multiplication

today

Coffee and orange,
paint peel wood, sun-bleached alleyways.
Ivy the green of seasons.

There's a feeling I haven't been able to capture [let alone designate] since I first felt it,
fourteen years ago
(until now)

It's fall in Columbus, in the Victorian Village.  That's it.  It's a numinous and tangible nostalgia in-the-making,
a dark wood kitchen table,
day trips with dad to the park by the river,
dandelion greens and onion grass
hot chocolate and an under-appreciated sip of coffee,
digging in the dirt,
fallen colorful leaves at the locks
finding treasure in the ground, on the ground, everywhere we go.
cool sunshine day nature foragers.
I can even remember when mom came, too.

it's a feeling I don't want to leave because it smells like something more, now
that I'm older
and can hear it through radiohead and smell it in coffee, and the way of the neat-looking men who want something to do with both.

I'm always the most here just before I leave.

Life is very colorful right now.  I'm a little overwhelmed, but grateful.

(in earnest;)

Would Jesus read The Bell Jar?  [Would he have the time?]

If I Were a Rapper

Yerba mate day, big on the t-e-a.
That's as far as it'd get.

Thanks to God for hot placidity for chilly-edged days, like Otie or Ray en les solitaires temps.

If I Were President

You'll find as much meaning as you seek.

My Humble Heroine

A visit to Grandma and Grandpa's. 
We let ourselves in to find Grandma leaning over her Bible, asleep, notes to the side.  How many times has she been through it?  Here is my highest esteem, my greatest respect.

Seen

"Reading...
makes connections."

- "Reading..." Series, Chalk on Sidewalk, German Village

Overheard, 2

"...the past is just always so present."

- To My Left, An-Other Cup o' Joe

Overheard

"...It made me realize that the best parts of me are addicted to caffeine."

- To My Right, Cup o' Joe

goodmorning

it's happening somewhere :)

let's wake up
and have the same strange dream.
are you down?


it's moments like that,
when we could have kept walking
the other direction.

there's more to this
than me
or you

maybe

we
can help each other find what.

wisest that we hang our hopes on something that lasts longer
than I's
do

To have fed your heart at all more than satisfies my own.

photo credit

The Land, Your Heart - Seen Clearly

"This is what the Lord says:

'Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
    who draws strength from mere flesh
    and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
    they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
    in a salt land where no one lives.

 'But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
 They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.'

 The heart is deceitful above all things
    and beyond cure.
    Who can understand it?"

Jeremiah 17: 5-9

make good use.

"Oh yes, I picked the fruit!
No, I did nothing with it."

Transplanting

or how today we're in for a whole new crop of lessons.

And I'm still a little hesitant about machines in the garden.

In Tea

I can see through to where the cup starts
but no way could I ever
wrap eyes around each
bit in between.

More preferred that I should drink it in.

Summertime, back-of-my-mind, always.

   Summer on the Lower East Side, Arthur Fellig (Weegee)

I have loved you like I love a life jacket.  I cannot bear to do that to you any longer.  Better that I should learn from you to swim fearlessly, regardless of depth or distance.

watered up, down, all around

Do you think the root which must go off in search of its own water is in any way stronger than the one which directly receives the water it needs?  They both get what they need, right?  Is strength more important, or the simple reception of the water, itself?  In both cases, the plant receives a way to live.  Is that it, the everything's pervasive will to live and live toward more life?  Is there more to it than that?

Which is the bigger disappointment?

A crunchy peach or a mushy apple?

"It's a Long Road to a Tomato"

"The hot sun is good to them; the soil is alive, deep, and hospitable."

- Keith Stewart

"I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least - and it is commonly more than that - sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements."  

-Henry David Thoreau

Whatever became of Barabbas after he was given his second chance?

non evita la vita

Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life LIFE!

rosy-air-filled and passionate
wherever the wind takes it

don't hide in gravity traps no longer.

quel image c'est ce ballon rose.

Mountain Standard Time

Our insufficient-own wisdom opens the way to one even better.

Possibility, potential, energy; where does it go,
always in circulation,
even when misdirected?

Our readiness bounds no more from our assent than from our activity.

But what do we do?!  How do we listen!?

God, grant us your wisdom.

I don't want to miss it.
I'm not going to miss it.

I'm going to live differently this time, You with me.  Call me your way.

This feeling of intense potential wasn't meant to last, but to point toward something greater.

Every nownthen

take some time to dance alone in your room. Loud and fun, you and yourself and your music!

pour-over and a downpour.

"Like Jesus and white blood cells."

Does it Get Any Better?

"This story is a reflection of Christ's love for his bride, the Church.  He seeks her out and finds her, awakening her to something she's never known before and inviting her to journey with him.  Desperately desiring him, she eagerly follows."

"God, the one and only - I'll wait as long as he says.  Everything I need comes from him, so why not?  He's solid ground under my feet, breathing room for my soul, an impregnable castle: I'm set for life."

Life, Living, Experiencing Truth : An Approach

"It's who you are and the way you live that count before God.  Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth.  That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for:  those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.  God is sheer being itself -- Spirit.  Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."
- Jesus

Thoughts While Watering some more.

Don't be so heavy-laden with your pollen you can't fly.

active perspective // fresh life

Potential Future Child O' Mine

Resist the urge to laugh your coy wisdom at friend when he bologna-white-bread-and-dorito sprays his emphatic claim that a mango isn't lunch.  Smile in remembrance of the abundance of nuts to round it out; in your lunchbox and sitting next to you.  Offer to share, if he's not allergic.

Thoughts While Watering

Slow growth is growth.

Why isn't everything solar powered?

Peace is everywhere we want to find it. (gracefully?)

Everyone's unique person must be incomprehensibly fantastic.  (Especially as it's not just them.)

Accept the hose, be grateful for the water.

Unless it leads to more and better life for us all, I don't want it; simply can't accept it.

grace paced

My best days happen in careful words,
my best words happen in thoughtful motion,
my best motion, by inspiration and
my inspiration, by your grace.


My best days, by your grace.

"How did I ever think there was another way to enter into His courts but with thanksgiving?"
- A.V.

Pained

but relieved to find my heart's not as hard as I thought.

Growth

What seeds will you plant today for the yield you expect tomorrow?
Are you willing to wait longer than a day?  Some things take more time.

Everyone's learning to love.

Move

Really hungry for some quantum physic-al education.  Maybe I'll go take a walk.

Tesh

At the library doors today I made the acquaintance of Mr. Tesh, an Ethiopian man who came to Ohio from Addis Ababa in his college years, where he graduated from Bowling Green with two majors and earned a degree in Law from Ohio Northern.  He has three sons, all of whom received full scholarships to attend their respective universities (Vanderbilt, Cincinnati and ___?___) and have left (for now, forever?) to Ethiopia.

He is a revolutionary (self-proclaimed, and otherwise).  Someone once so strongly opposed his protesting that they threw a grenade at him, the affect of which he carries in his hazed right eye.  He speaks with a fun accent, and his favorite phrases are "Holy chicken!" for astonishment or proud delight, and "what the hell are that?" for disgust at some unreasonable, illogical or passionless way humanity has approached being human.  He aims for meaning, reads people well, speaks loud but pretty accurate political and social generalizations (in the library foyer) and has a heart for inspiring people to recognize their capabilities and incite change with their own lives rather than sitting around waiting...for what?  ("What the hell are that?")

He believes in education over money, and in not wasting our lives.  Believes there's more to life than jobs, and should be more to jobs than just work.  He believes I've got a responsibility to stand up for what's right, and to take care of my country.  He looked at me with a sincere heart and told me I can do miracles.  In discussion about how we humans have the capacity to think for ourselves, he illustrated the statement by tapping the top of my head and saying "there's not potato chips up there."  In the same place, where my hairline began, he gave me a goodbye, nice-to-know-you-child-be-wise kiss in the manner of a proud grandfather. 

He inspired me.

"...there's a celebration going on and we have so much to celebrate."

I need someone to hold me in place and take me places I could never hold my own;
not just for me but for everybody there.  And you.

"beauty is truth; truth, beauty."

Out-of-the-Pot

     No point in keeping on the move if your soul's not at rest.  Today, I read a Couch Surfer's description; a self-proclaimed (diagnosed?) 'Chronic Nomad'.  I think I enjoy this same affliction.


   As such, though I so treasure rooted-ness, it hasn't exactly shone as my most recent achievement.  I could philosophize about how geographically I may not be diggin deep, and am more a potted plant, roots intact, sticking with my owner.  (And could you ask for more?!)  I've liked it well enough, seeing the sun from new vantages, knowing I'm still in good hands.  But my soul keeps urging for me to find something more - and gaining articulation.


     For someone who likes open horizons and equally panoramic options, the prospect of choosing one place to ground - to 'transplant' (leave that pot!) seems foreign - and yet, exciting!

(Pixelated) Clay Pot Adventures

  It's coming clear the things my soul wants; deeper community, family time, close friendships - and the way I've gone about my potted ventures haven't come to line up, and likely won't

-- unless I trade in my hard (sturdy!  protective!) terra-cotta for a pliable, biodegradable pot - and let my roots and real earth mingle.  Then, maybe it could happen.  Soon, I probably won't even realize the pot is gone.

  Conditions will get harsher.  But, I will feel the sun more intensely, and drink in the rain's value more intently.  When storms come, and lightening with 'em, you know I'll enjoy absorbing every possible bit of nitrogen showered.  That's some direct exposure.  But imagine the growth!  

 This is where the Adam's and Eve's of all plants started, no?  The ground?  His name says it all, and hers, that it works.

   From place-to-place as potted photosynthesizers we can surely adapt, and well.  The sun's everywhere we're willing to look, and even where we won't.  But to think of what it means to be suited to a particular environment - starting from a tiny seed, overcoming adversity, working collaboratively with our neighboring flora and fauna... that's special.  Yes, yes; there's overpopulation, as well as under-, and the winds will carry us where they want.  And sure, we can adapt.
But native grounds are native grounds.  We make a lot of sense in our original contexts. 

And then there's always the wind.  

 

Same Caretaker everywhere though, right?
__________

Maybe it's right-brain-heavy justification.  Maybe I'm ready for some dynamic new growth. 
Either way, with this, I officially declare my intent to return to Ohio, or otherwise settle somewhere soon.
I'll re-adapt, and adopt new life - and as soon as I'm adept at adapting, who's to say I won't have the increased maturity to even adopt something new, or it, me?

At my best, I can remain open to the wind.

This is no boring road you're traveling, by any means. 
This is two-handed, take-your-time,
"Lord, the views you've made!"
have you ever seen anything more beautiful
  kind of driving.
Don't got too fast-
  speed up,
and tax your vehicle
  and your own energy,
but you may risk not seeing
   those leaves
   the twist of that branch
   the color of that wood,
   that bark's unique hold on that tree,
       your own breath.

So, stop a while.
   Listen to your car tick, feel the hunger in your stomach, check out the moss on that tree!  (The tree on that moss!)  Pray the advancing-only-other-person-up-here doesn't mean shady business, and that someone finds this if (s)he does, and that their cough goes away, leaves them and leaves them alleviated either way,
sit amazed at how a little altitude, elevation-and-a-view --- an elevated perspective --- can overcome the noise of a whole big city,
muse over Incubus' correctness/wisdom "to obtain the bird's eye...", give the motorcyclists a head start.

 
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
       praise the Lord.
   Oh my soul, rejoice!  and let all
that is in me
       all          
          that is in me
             praise
             His
             holy
             name.

a
m
e
n
!

How do you remember a place like this?  There is little left than to be appreciative.

Thank you, Lord.

I have this notion the sooner we get surrender, the better.

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

be careful you don't find only what you seek.

San Francisco / Sausalito

   A whirlwind experience of the most easygoing nature, and I've only just arrived!  Ten minutes into San Francisco, I was hooked.  To fill the time before my host friend (from the Environmental Education internship - Tori, herself!) completes work, I decided to drive around to get acquainted with the city.  Fascinating streets, a diversity of cultures, lots of 4-way stops --all it took to find myself completely, totally hooked.  In my automotive wanderings, I happened to make my way sooner-than-anticipated on the road to Sausalito which meant, inadvertently, crossing the Golden Gate Bridge!  Funny how you happen upon things like that.  Heading N. on the road/consequent Bridge, there is no toll.  To come back to the city, though, could only happen at a price.  Since I'm ultimately headed for Sausalito tonight, I decided to keep going in order to explore more of where I'll stay settled the next few days.  After searching out a coffee shop on the GPS, (naturally,) I found 'Fred's Place.' 
   More a restaurant than a coffee shop (think of a very nice old diner, but substitute the tacky [sorry] chrome with  old and established-looking wood,) I took a seat at the bar and ordered a latte.  Simple enough.  Lack of outlet made for limited internet time, which really was all I needed, as I arrived around 2:15 and they were to close at 2:30!  Very gracious of them to allow me to stay, and they were all very kind.  I had a lot of latte to finish, and they a good amount of cleaning, so I was able to stay a little while longer and make a couple notes in the journal, as well as write a brief letter to everyone at AICM - a first of hopefully many fun, concise travel updates.  I asked the person beside me whether there was a post office nearby and after giving me directions shared that he'd probably see me around there in a bit, as he was headed there to check on his car.  We both finished up around the same time and he could stand a ride and I, a guide, so we exchanged!  Since we both had some time to spend after mailing and checking, he offered to show me around the houseboat community, right down the street.  We walked and talked and thoroughly appreciated the plants on either side of the main walkway - a fascinating bunching of scents and textures and lime plants and succulents and cacti and so. many. roses.  If you know me and colors, you know I was a happy girl.  Happy to meet Mr. Alex and do some Spanish chatting and learn about his travels through Central America...and beyond! We parted ways after that without exchanging information.  Very Serendipity, I know, but we're not in love, though I am grateful for such a pleasant life experience.
  Anyway, now I'm at a Starbucks in downtown Sausalito, which is of course very nice and surrounded by people even nicer-looking than those in Malibu, and completely, wonderfully rife with the echoes of many different languages, mostly French, and even so many more that are so foreign to me I can't even decipher the origin!  Of course, that makes me very happy, too. 

Grrrreat shot, I know.
   Today is the first I've loaded the film in the old Minolta, so hopefully I'll get some neat shots over the next few days.  As it happens, my digital camera's battery is nearly exhausted.  Life goes on!  Right now I've got a lovely window seat with a nice view of Alcatraz.  Perhaps I can use the computer camera for a picture!  That would be a good way to preserve such a memorable view :)!  Worth the risk of looking like a sketchball too, I guess.
  
  Praying God continues to teach me and make good use of my being here, however He sees fit.  Looking forward to the next moment.
  In His love and joy,
  Ashley :)

Today I hope you realize how incredible you are.

makes no sense

California's San Joaquin Valley is known as "the food basket of the world."  It also has the state's highest rates of food insecurity.

God is gracious and I am grateful.  He's the substance, my only satisfaction.

Malibu

my goodness, simply beautiful!  I can't even begin to take a justifiable picture, so you'll just have to come see it for yourself.

Last night I met up with Ash and we got to visit an even-more-than-usually-popular Trader Joes where we purchased veg. taco essentials for dinner that night, as well as some lentils and quinoa for tonight.  It was also a fun surprise to find TJ's had really appealing sourdough baguettes for sale -- the thin, crusty-hard-chewy kind. 

Right now I'm enjoying a jasmine green tea at the Malibu Country Mart's Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, and a few (privileged?) folks on miniature horse carriages just passed by on the little road in-between the shoppes.  I don't quite get it, but it certainly elicited a smile or two from me and those around.  I wonder what people who live around places where those little burritos roam would think of people paying to do something like that.

There are a lot of very well-dressed people here and the shops and views are quite nice looking.  Something I've enjoyed is how at face people and things seem so unapproachable, but a simple smile goes a really long way.  I think there's something about not being so put-together that makes it easier to communicate with people.  For instance, I'm a little intimidated by the blondie beauties and their impeccable style, buuuuuuuut, on the other hand, feel better about my fly-away hairs and their reminder of ocean air and its pervasive effects on every part of everybody, and how, as a result, we all share that something.

Mas to come!  Santa Monica and Venice tonight after Ash is home from work.  Happy day,
Ashley :)

Ps, I know I said something about no pictures, but that's partly (more of a part) because I have not been able to focus on driving pch and take a good picture at the same time.  I also need to learn where to park for easy beach access.  In any case, it'll happen as it needs.  Should be an interesting day!

Much peace,
:)

So Hopeful

for every possible reason.

Processing

takes me a while.  My best start is to consider the things I'm having a difficult time processing, I guess.
Like how my girls were in fact suspended for the remainder of the school year and now my car is packed and resting at a coffee shop parking lot somewhere in Phoenix, getting ready for LA tomorrow.  And how, two weeks ago and today I've gotten the chance to share quality time with two of my most missions-influential older friends from college; to see how God has been taking care of and blessing them as they continue to serve Him.  What a blessing, really!  And how I've just officially left Show Low and my first real group of friends as 'an adult,' and what fantastic people they are.  I can only pray God helps me be so much a blessing to them as they have to me these past few months.  Makes me excited for further community and getting together with old friends and meeting new friends, shaping each others' lives.
And how beautifully God provides, the tangible, fanciful, practical, wondrous ways he shows His love.  And how no matter how surprising the realities seem, no matter the apprehensions they incite, the truth, the reality is that God works everything out.  It's possible He has already worked everything out, and every day all that's left is to enjoy walking in it and praise Him for all the good and surprises He brings.  May I praise Him in awed love.
And how as I sit to think about all this, a little open-beaked blue-footed bird (not the kind you're thinking,) hops on down and comes across a sizable crumb.  Good to be reminded every day that You're providing for me, that I'm built to have to be reminded in order for my amnesic heart to warm up again, and that You're faithful to paint the most lovely and deeply satisfying reminders.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind;' and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Luke 10:27

Good Will Hunting: Did You Know?

Ben Affleck and Matt Damon wrote it?!

Astounded, thankful, joyful, hopeful in the Lord.

Ready to learn German, Arabic, French... whatever I can!

Where Your Heart Delights Most... Do That.

Tonight was too fantastic for words, and yet too glorious not to lend it a few.

The kind of night the (more socially acceptable) store, where you'll secure gardiniera mix and a baguette for dipping in morning coffee like the French people in the movie, closed at 8 and it's much past 9 so you head to Wal Mart.  And there's that one greeter, that really genuinely gracious wise man whose smile has said and always will say "Do you know how much God loves you! (Beam)"  And for once you have a chance to let him know how welcomed his smile makes you feel, and he shares about how special, how special, how special it was to hear that, because (tears) he'd been praying about it that morning especially, that God would show His light and love through him.  And the special moment He's thankful to you for sharing what you shared, and You're thankful to God for sharing what you shared through you -- and you remember just what blessing feels like.

And you're driving home and twist-pop the glass jar metal lid to enjoy with the glove-compartment-spare-plastic-fork your long-sought-after gardiniera, to notice after a few bites the prevalence of jalapeno peppers -- and how you forgot about the 'hot' one, and therefore, about selecting it over regular, but how you had inadvertently gotten it anyway (score!) so you enjoy it all the more, mostly cauliflower, maybe the only way you really appreciate cauliflower.  And you remember the sourdough baguette and tear off an end, this time mindful of the other French movie (what is it with...) where the country preacher eats nothing but bread soaked in wine, and so subconsciously somewhere vinegar is good as wine, and as significant, you remember -- soaking bread in vinegar - like the sponge offered to Jesus on the cross (what was the aim of that again?  anaesthetic?)  So anyway, you dip it in, take a spongy bite and immediately downplay the sourness, though it's really so, so acidic.  And you downplay, play tough, deny the punch in your mind even though your mouth's still writhing, and you continue to downplay, priding yourself on your tolerance and pleasure in the acidity, until that slight, humbling Spirit's voice admonishes you to "call it as it is."  To experience things as they really are.  Vinegar wasn't ever meant to be sweet.  Vinegar is vinegar - it's cutting, sharp.  And there's worth enough in its own true properties than to cover them over with some other more likable trait, that really [is]n't at all.  So you think to yourself, "why do I feel the need to be seen as tough and acid-tolerant," and your realize tough fronts are to cover weakness, and how weak you [are]!  God, I don't need to be strong on my own when I have You!  What a relief. 

And the radio continues in classical public radio mode, something about (Wagner?) and the wedding Sonata he wrote for a man to play for his woman come wedding-aisle-descent time.  And this wedding took place in Brussels, where it was so dark inside, he had to play virtually the whole Sonata by memory.  And you think of how much practice went into this, to play it perfectly for his bride!  To have practiced enough to memorize each bit, the whole!  And what of those prayers for Belgium the past few days, to flood the heavy darkness with His light in every respect.   Connections?  He's Belgium's groom, He's dedicated to her, and there's hope.. there's hope!!  The wedding has only begun, no?  He's soon to show her the fullness of His love, and how hopeful and beautiful it is! 

And you're wild inside at the memory of all this and the thought of taking the time to write it all out, but what better occupation than to acknowledge the blessing you've been shown, particularly since you've prayed about this very thing; that God would make Himself and His love known to you, and that you would stay true to his nuances through music, finding meaning in it all not by effort but rather by default, and you took mental note when He sang to you, "Baby, write this down..."  And yes!  What a blessing you have to write and share His love, in the peculiars of the little 'nothings' of life, and doesn't that quite relate to the verse you recently read, stating that He uses the weak and insignificant, the quietest, the inconsequential - to make the loudest, most profound statements.  And you realize it's not unlike you.  What blessing!

And the best part is, you'd seen Mr. Oscar at that entrance twice before, and both times felt so appreciated and welcome, for walking in the door.  And you'd known and felt that blessing.  And tonight when you express it, and he shares his prayer from the morning and starts to cry, you realize the cool thing about all of it was that God was already answering his prayer to let His light and love shine, He had already been those two other times -- God 'had been' answering Mr. Oscar's prayer even before he prayed it, felt it in his heart.  Whaaaat delight, then, when you could lean in close (old ears) and share that the song overhead was just pleading "heaven let your light shine down."  "Well, you're going to make me cry, again."

Keep praying, you never know how it's already going to have been answered.  And listen.  If God can touch my heart through country music, He. can. use. it. all!

light

hopeful, hopeful, hopeful.  what else?

Reminder

Just today, just right now.

After long last, a (tentative) plan.

Big change for my AICM girls, and, consequently, me -- much of May just opened up, (1-23rd) and I intend to make the most of it!

Here's the idea so far --





Traveling is always more fun with friends, so if you would like to join or meet up for any part of it, let me know!  As for dates, I'm looking to begin in Flagstaff early May, then take my time exploring California, ultimately to make my way toward Reno, NV a week out from the end of May.  I'll likely leave here early June for Vancouver and every beautiful stop along the way, and from there I plan to visit my father near Albuquerque for some good quality time before traveling back to Ohio.  I'm blessed to know a good amount of lovely people situated along the way, but for the rest will lean on the Couch Surfing / WWOOFing networks to meet new people, see their cities from their perspective, and hopefully make good use of my affection for helping weed gardens :).  Please please please let me know if you're interested in going the same path for any length!  Also, nearly everything but the time in NV is pretty flexible so if you're interested and would like to make some adjustments, let me know and we'll see if we can work it out!

Take care amigas y amigos,

Ashley :)

go lightly

To Mom

You did it!  So proud of you, Momma :).
Enjoy the reading.

Much love,

Ashley

Anything is Possible?

I want to learn German, French, Biblical Greek, Arabic, Portuguese, Russian, Italian, Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese.. to start.  By immersion as possible!  Maybe then Hindi? Greek, Catalan, Khmer, Ukranian, Pashto, Swedish, Korean, Shqip?!.. okay, okay.  I know.  Just shootin for las estrellas! ;)

I'd like to learn more about Member Care.

I want to make tea; produce it, process it, share it, enjoy it.

I want to garden, anywhere, everywhere; experience community, help at market.

I want to use my horticultural skills to share life with others who could use the help, the new knowledge, the nutritional and social and economic benefit.

I'm languishing in my soul for jam sessions, singing, ooooh!  House shows! Acoustics. Singing along! Ooh!
Love to have more cello in my life than the kind in digital form.

Want to live to love and serve however I was best made to.

Pretty cool, Oldschool Burlington, WA

tea

"The main thing — and the most obvious area of commonality between Hitchens, Orwell, and Adams — is that everything used in the making of tea must be very hot. All the warming and boiling and swishing of hot water can be made to sound complicated, but it’s actually operating on a very simple principal: Because the hottest brew is the most flavorful tea, the entire tea-making process is about taking the hottest possible elements, mixing them together in the hottest possible environment, and then preserving as much of that heat as possible as they infuse."
From: http://jezebel.com/5724480/how-and-why-to-make-tea

Today I saw a shade of green like I have never seen before.  It was black, and leathery.
It is good to stop and look down,
kneel at the ground
every once in a while.

But always keep going.

In everything, the sun.

Take care to live by only the purest and most selfless of motivations, and these in wisdom and truth.

Leftover Brown Rice

+ oats + almond milk + peanut butter + almonds + cinnamon.

Redemption and new purpose for everything.

Okay, wind.  Blow me away.

A Word from the Lover of Our Wayward, Wayfaring Hearts

Don't condemn yourself.
I am your God who has redeemed you.  You are no longer your old self, but my new creation.
   I have called you out,
   I am establishing you in my purpose.
Keep walking in my way, my light --
be faithful to me with all your moments
and you will not be led astray, even by your self.
I am yours.  I am with you.  You are mine.  I am with you.

Do not be discouraged, neither let your heart be troubled.  It's okay to take it slow.
Each day will come, and I will always be right here.
Trust me, lean on me, depend on me to go before you and also stay right by your side.  I will do what needs done -- do not fear 'messing up' because when you're walking and speaking and conducting your energies mindful of me,
there is no misdeed.

   I know it must be hard for you to trust, to relinquish your independently working things out, but the beautiful truth of this is I know exactly where we need to be, what needs to be done there, and how to do it -- not to mention I have all the 'resources' necessary to carry it out fully and well, in my timing.  Let me remind you; I am God.    For even more beautiful truth, realize that you're only forfeiting your 'independence' for a new life with me.  I promise you with everything I am, I'm worth it.  (I'm allowed to say this because I am God :).)
    I love you -- adore you!  There's no one else like you.  No one else can love me the way you do.  I don't know anyone else who can take your place.

  To know me, take a chance.  Just take my hand -- walk with me -- I'll take care of the rest.

   I love you and want to share every day with you -- to explore together, to love each other, to teach you all I know about how Holy my Father is, how Just, how Powerful -- how He so desires to set His Kingdom right, shower His people with good, that they may live in the joy of knowing Him and loving Him -- celebrating Him -- together.
   And we can help make this possible - you and me - bringing unfading traces of His good wherever we go, blessing His people by meeting all their needs, as He so delights and desires to do, by His power.
   He shares it freely with us so that we may proclaim joy, freedom and peace to places of His Kingdom that have grown dark with fear, self-imprisonment and pervasive unrest -- places that have forgotten His reign as King, and the grace and life in His Holy name.

   So let's be together, you and me, to speak peace and testify to the truth in love.

Four; 1-2-3-4, Years Ago Today. What's Changed?

Hopes and Dreams
seem, at times, oddly hard to come by. Like now, for instance. 


There are no definite plans for the part of my life that will take place after summer.


and I think I'm finally okay with that.


As long as I'm doing my part to take a keen, active [involved, not passive] awareness of those things toward which my eyes have been attracted or my heart has grown soft, life will happen as it needs to. It's hard not to be confident when I think about how God is using those efforts to guide these feet. Thanks for that.




Some things I do anticipate for my future:


- a garden, vibrant, brimming with life! and BIG so I can share / peddle my vegetables. 
hopefully there will also be a raspberry patch around there somewhere


- an ultra-simple lifestyle, at least for a time. i'm talking no bedframe, matress on the floor,
limited decorations, no furniture
(okay maybe a couple pieces.)
I like my rooms accommodating, but empty enough that I'd feel comfortable to attempt a 
handstand. I'd be ecstatic to be t.v. free,
but mom says I at least need basic cable, "you know, for news and stuff."
And I say okay
compromise:
tv somewhere but 4, 6 (,8) & 10 shall be its only friends. There will be trips to
the market as necessary to prepare my fresh, wholesome, not-processed, nutritionally-
excellent meals. Kitchen table optional. [At least for now.]
I'll reduce reuse and recycle like this planet's greatest reverse-bandit. 
Yesterday's Silk carton is today's planter. 
And so on, and so forth.
Excess Schmexcess.


As my mind and heart conspire so this list shall be inspired.


Toodles.

3/19/2012

Don't mean to get all retrospective lately, but it's entertaining for me to assess what's been going on all this time.  People always pose that question, starting with "five years from now...", squeezing too much life out of our numinous aspirations against the tightest-woven expectation-grade cheesecloth.  It's healthy, but a strain.

  My five years from this last post is nearly here, and what to show for it?  I've graduated with a degree I may or may not have the heart to give my life toward expounding upon educationally or professionally, at least as its typical course might dictate.  My personality hasn't changed much.  My voice is still soft.  I started a garden.  Our dorm has no television access.  I could do a handstand in here if it weren't for the new discomfort of blood to the head.  Can't even hang upside down from the couch anymore without my the back of my eyes feeling like they're planning their out-of-this-socket trajectory.  This aside,  Four-Years-Ago Me would be proud of the Four-Years-From-Now Me.  That's great.  But what of?

Lessons I have, blessedly, learned:

"It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity." - Sir Francis Bacon

I could be disappointed nothing has changed, but there's no lie more lame.  Lots has changed (I've even forsaken soy milk for almond except at coffee shops where they've yet to catch on.)  The more I think of the changes, though, the less consequential they seem.  As humans, we're walking enigmas, changing and staying the same more every day.  Should I be surprised?

This March-uncertainty is a theme for my young adult life.  (For further evidence, see every year since this last green post.)   Like any worthwhile theme revisited, though, has come new insight about the One Who made me, who has prepared my blueprint and works me into it every day, though I'm blind to His design.

What hasn't changed is God's faithfulness.  He's got a great design in mind, with an even more substantial purpose, and I intend to live up to it by His grace.

I pray God makes us faithfully, boldly compliant and pliable
trusting and unhesitatingly hopeful.

Not a house on earth so glorious and wise as its architect.

this time last year

MONDAY, MARCH 14, 2011

If I ever own a creature, I'm inclined to name it Patchouli.

God's Will

"Be joyful always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?"
  Micah 6:8

You Are to Me

every poem I've never written
every conversation we've never had
every walk we've never shared
every
single
cup
of
coffee
I
wish
wasn't
the
only
one
at
the
table
every story I'd delight to hear
but for the meantime am only desperate,
and
every breath I've never felt.

And still,
 inordinately
unshakably

• vital.

I'm often grieved over how it seems the meadow can never be with the woods.  Today my heart eased when I realized they can at least hold trees in common, and feel roots the same.

note to self

what you're reading is no universe.

All this Waiting

...all this blessing,
shows me hope neither rests nor will ever find itself sustained in
promising job leads, a future of travel, my appearance, the food I eat, social networking activity,
or striving after anything
but God and all He is and promises for each of our lives, for His glory.

Radiohead and dreams and these are the days.

Espresso and What the Rest of the World Already Knows

Do you think European coffeehouses tout flavored syrups?  Could it be the espresso is what's important?
Have you ever heard of an Africano drink?  A Belgique? A Denmarko?  Maybe they've got a shared understanding of what thispresso stuff is really about.  And so the Americano?  Is it because we've watered everything down?  Not only do others value the espresso for what it is, they like it, happy to structure their understanding around it without changing it.
Our forty syrup flavors - and sugar free too - do they testify to our insistence that the world cater to our personal taste?  That we might never be able to palate the bitter liquid itself but just give us some vanilla or hazelnut and okay, okay, we can swallow that if we have to.  We're happy to die to everything worthwhile as long as we can have it our way.