“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33
Also, thanks to Brian for bringing about this truthful insight:
"Continue to be willing to be used by him and he will use you for his glory.
Matthew 6:33-34 'But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' "
Good substance for reflection.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Lessons Learned!
There's always something new.
Today I was catching up on facebook and for the first time found one of the thousands of sidebar advertisements especially enticing. This particular ad was issued by STA travel, a group seeking an intern to voyage the world for free (!) and keep decent record of their experiences, to share the joy of exploration and the itch for travel with others, that the rest might be inspired to venture, likewise.
So engrossed was I at the thought of perhaps realizing this opportunity that I filled out considerable portions of application and took a look at a zillion and six of others' video applications to learn about the hearts and motivations of everyone else so travel-intersted as myself and eager to learn the world! As I was watching the short mini-capturings of their excellent qualifications and being made aware of their grand past travel experiences I realized three things:
1) There are a few that would be AWESOME and are probably much better-qualified than yours truly, especially when it comes to the video editing thing
2) I think it might be fun to try to learn / work with more video editing things!
3) Sometimes in life you kind of just have to put yourself out there. It can be fun!
There's something scary and exciting about lifting the comfy jersey knit off of those most obscured, lesser-known parts of our lives, granting our lungs liberty from muffled, warm breath surroundings to suck in deep the sweet, cool air that is the rest of life we've not yet experienced; whether that be by fear or nescience or an excess of previous comfort.
I think it's something we all want to do.
I think it's something we all hesitate to do.
I think that if both of these are true, we really have nothing to worry about.
If everybody is afraid,
why fear?
Here's to more openness, less fear, new experiences and real attempts at understanding each other
(and perhaps even ourselves.)
Peace,
Ashley :)
Today I was catching up on facebook and for the first time found one of the thousands of sidebar advertisements especially enticing. This particular ad was issued by STA travel, a group seeking an intern to voyage the world for free (!) and keep decent record of their experiences, to share the joy of exploration and the itch for travel with others, that the rest might be inspired to venture, likewise.
So engrossed was I at the thought of perhaps realizing this opportunity that I filled out considerable portions of application and took a look at a zillion and six of others' video applications to learn about the hearts and motivations of everyone else so travel-intersted as myself and eager to learn the world! As I was watching the short mini-capturings of their excellent qualifications and being made aware of their grand past travel experiences I realized three things:
1) There are a few that would be AWESOME and are probably much better-qualified than yours truly, especially when it comes to the video editing thing
2) I think it might be fun to try to learn / work with more video editing things!
3) Sometimes in life you kind of just have to put yourself out there. It can be fun!
There's something scary and exciting about lifting the comfy jersey knit off of those most obscured, lesser-known parts of our lives, granting our lungs liberty from muffled, warm breath surroundings to suck in deep the sweet, cool air that is the rest of life we've not yet experienced; whether that be by fear or nescience or an excess of previous comfort.
I think it's something we all want to do.
I think it's something we all hesitate to do.
I think that if both of these are true, we really have nothing to worry about.
If everybody is afraid,
why fear?
Here's to more openness, less fear, new experiences and real attempts at understanding each other
(and perhaps even ourselves.)
Peace,
Ashley :)
Well I then there dun it
and registered for classes, afterall.
This quarter we haaave:
Math (the last 'math-y' one, then logic and the requirements will be fully met)
Abnormal Psychology, and
Introduction to Politics
It would definitely be cool to miss out on a quarter or two of classes to nurture my curiosity for agriculture a la ECHO echo echo or perhaps by wwoof-ing it, but for now I'd better stay in school and take care of these basics. Maybe I can venture an agricultural sensation of a summer, instead!
That would be dandy :).
I think I want to learn how to make cheese, too.
Peace amigos.
This quarter we haaave:
Math (the last 'math-y' one, then logic and the requirements will be fully met)
Abnormal Psychology, and
Introduction to Politics
It would definitely be cool to miss out on a quarter or two of classes to nurture my curiosity for agriculture a la ECHO echo echo or perhaps by wwoof-ing it, but for now I'd better stay in school and take care of these basics. Maybe I can venture an agricultural sensation of a summer, instead!
That would be dandy :).
I think I want to learn how to make cheese, too.
Peace amigos.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Hooray for warm attire,Iron Chef, first attempts at Spanakopita and the relief that is a tomorrow off!
Yesterday evening I made some hummus and, since we lack pita, made a couple of chapatis to keep the carrots company while dipping! I don't know if that last word of the last sentence was grammatically correct but this is beside the point. We had some whole wheat flour so I used that in place of chapati flour most recipes called for. I havent't the time or cheesecloth to make ghee so I just left the butter out, poured a little flour in the bowl and added some water until the consistency looked good. Ooh, also I added a little salt. They cooked well in a tiny bit of coconut oil (my current fave, for this sort of preparation, anyway) and served their purpose well!
Before leaving Kroger yesterday with all of my ingredients, I made a quick stop in the alternative foods section to check out any Managers Specials that may have been so conspicuously adhered to the nearly-out-of-date vegan/vegetarian delights. The only product this time was the pepperjack veggie "cheese." This stuff has had my curiosity for a while but is so expensive that I've never really given it a try. This was a good opportunity!
I wasn't really sure what to do with it so I thought it would be cool to add another dip for the chapatis and so cut it into little cubes, heated some milk on the stovetop (kind of undermines the vegan thing but ohh well) and tossed them in. And stirred. For a loooong time. Anyway, it turned out pretty nicely! I was afraid to try the vheese (my new verbal construct for this particular product)on its own for the first long while, but eventually my curiosity got around to it. The vheese itself had less 'flavor' than cheese, and also a different consistency. I suppose it is lacking some creaminess on both accounts. I personally am okay with vheese's consistency but I can understand how somebody might not appreciate it as keenly.
The timer is telling me this vegan spanakopita is done cooking! Perhaps I can add some hummus a few chapatis to make it a more complete Grecian ... / Indian ... meal. I mmmm looking forward to this din din :).
Yesterday evening I made some hummus and, since we lack pita, made a couple of chapatis to keep the carrots company while dipping! I don't know if that last word of the last sentence was grammatically correct but this is beside the point. We had some whole wheat flour so I used that in place of chapati flour most recipes called for. I havent't the time or cheesecloth to make ghee so I just left the butter out, poured a little flour in the bowl and added some water until the consistency looked good. Ooh, also I added a little salt. They cooked well in a tiny bit of coconut oil (my current fave, for this sort of preparation, anyway) and served their purpose well!
Before leaving Kroger yesterday with all of my ingredients, I made a quick stop in the alternative foods section to check out any Managers Specials that may have been so conspicuously adhered to the nearly-out-of-date vegan/vegetarian delights. The only product this time was the pepperjack veggie "cheese." This stuff has had my curiosity for a while but is so expensive that I've never really given it a try. This was a good opportunity!
I wasn't really sure what to do with it so I thought it would be cool to add another dip for the chapatis and so cut it into little cubes, heated some milk on the stovetop (kind of undermines the vegan thing but ohh well) and tossed them in. And stirred. For a loooong time. Anyway, it turned out pretty nicely! I was afraid to try the vheese (my new verbal construct for this particular product)on its own for the first long while, but eventually my curiosity got around to it. The vheese itself had less 'flavor' than cheese, and also a different consistency. I suppose it is lacking some creaminess on both accounts. I personally am okay with vheese's consistency but I can understand how somebody might not appreciate it as keenly.
The timer is telling me this vegan spanakopita is done cooking! Perhaps I can add some hummus a few chapatis to make it a more complete Grecian ... / Indian ... meal. I mmmm looking forward to this din din :).
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Wintertime Blues
...no more.
Yesterday was like experiencing the opening portion of Sufjan's Sister Winter
But Today... more like the song's very nice resolve
... My blessings are worth a lot more than some situational bummer.
Yesterday was like experiencing the opening portion of Sufjan's Sister Winter
But Today... more like the song's very nice resolve
... My blessings are worth a lot more than some situational bummer.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Oh. Christmas Tree.
In recent news, mom put up the lights but she is too tired to do the ornaments, and would like that I do them. It could be my gift to her, she said.
I'm happy to do it for her if that is what she wants, it's just that the whole thing seems kind of pointless, I think, if it's not done together...
:(
I'm happy to do it for her if that is what she wants, it's just that the whole thing seems kind of pointless, I think, if it's not done together...
:(
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Ohhhhh Christmas Tree
Mom wants to put up some ornaments but she doesn't care to do the same for the tree, as it is artificial and scratchy and the metallic ends make her hands feel dirty.
Oh wait, that's me...
But she still doesn't want to do it.
I suppose this means I will.
Oh wait, that's me...
But she still doesn't want to do it.
I suppose this means I will.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Sip of the Day
Thank you, God, for helping me feel, for softening my heart, for those moments of understanding, and for the chance to hold onto them as long as it takes to reorient my mind and focus, really focus, on right now.
Right now I am thinking about how the little mug of water has been sitting in the microwave for a few minutes... . problem solved, and steeping started.
Right now I am also thinking about school, how I should probably work on my French little ecriture, get a start on the math assignment, and nail down a topic for the philosophy final.
I am also marveling at how such a big house can be so empty for long stretches of time. It is odd, but makes for a relief of an opportunity to selectively organize my wayward thoughts.
This morning I am missing Dad. Or at least thinking about him a lot, which I take to mean I must miss him at least a little. I hope he is enjoying his Thanksgiving, and pray that he is really soaking in all the greatness from this short break hes got from all the training and hard working preparation.
Family is on my mind a lot lately. I guess Thanksgiving will do that to you. I am Thankful for the opportunity to share some time with the Smith family today (Grandma Nora invited me to her sister's Thanksgiving dinner) and learn more about the dynamics of moms and dads and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins. The Schlaegel family Thanksgiving was great, a lot of good food, plenty of laughter and all the wonder that comes with thinking about alll the babies just joining the family and the newness of their whole lives and the completeness that they bring to those that already have so much love for them. It is awesome, that completeness, but the fullness of its wholeness brings me to the realization that this kind of familial integrity is somewhat lacking in my life.
This is not to say that I have none -- I consider it one of my greatest blessings that I am a part of the Schlaegel family. My Grandparents are sweeter than life, my aunts and uncles and cousins are some of the funniest, most loving people in the world and I'm not even exaggerating, and the McClellan family -- wow! My time with them so far has shown me that they have been and are all of the above with the an emphasis on generosity and welcoming openness that I have never experienced at any other place or time in my life. Not only this, but they have shown me a perfect model of what family is. Full of love, hard work, and sacrifice, wrought with blunt honesty, and made complete with the stylings of all layers and ranges of emotion. Loud, silent, routine and surprising. Imperfect, and yet in this way, complete. I am blessed by this opportunity to experience life with them, to share life, laughter, toothpaste, water, toilet paper, love... it is my hope that I not outstay my welcome, and that God might help me to know how give back, and not merely to take.
What else is on my mind? It feels much clearer now, I think that covers the big things. I'm pretty sure I am to meet at the Smith's at 1:30. Work begins at 3, and as such I should probably leave with enough time to get back to the McClellan's and change and get to work.. that or I could go ahead and bring the clothes with me, change, and leave for work from there.. This second one sounds like the better of the two, and that way I can hopefully spend at least a little more time with them rather than eat and run off. At 2:38 I should probably start to change, and then leave by 2:45.
Note(s) to self: DONT forget something for putting the hair up. Leave McFly's (aka McClellans for all of you either unfamiliar with the family and/or my mind's processes)a note about when you will be back from work.
-OR-
pack up now and head home after work -- didn't bring anything to wear to church, anyway, and will probably be the only chance to head home this week...? Haven't seen mom in ages!
Hmm... Don't forget-- helping out 2nd service tomorrow, be there @ 9:30?
Also, I should make time for learning from a few chapters of Joshua today.
Pray about where to live in the future... apartment/shared house or something... (?)
..DO YOUR SCHOOLWORK
Start making Christmas cards...
L o v e w e l l this week.
Well I better go, I've got some packing to do!
Right now I am thinking about how the little mug of water has been sitting in the microwave for a few minutes... . problem solved, and steeping started.
Right now I am also thinking about school, how I should probably work on my French little ecriture, get a start on the math assignment, and nail down a topic for the philosophy final.
I am also marveling at how such a big house can be so empty for long stretches of time. It is odd, but makes for a relief of an opportunity to selectively organize my wayward thoughts.
This morning I am missing Dad. Or at least thinking about him a lot, which I take to mean I must miss him at least a little. I hope he is enjoying his Thanksgiving, and pray that he is really soaking in all the greatness from this short break hes got from all the training and hard working preparation.
Family is on my mind a lot lately. I guess Thanksgiving will do that to you. I am Thankful for the opportunity to share some time with the Smith family today (Grandma Nora invited me to her sister's Thanksgiving dinner) and learn more about the dynamics of moms and dads and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins. The Schlaegel family Thanksgiving was great, a lot of good food, plenty of laughter and all the wonder that comes with thinking about alll the babies just joining the family and the newness of their whole lives and the completeness that they bring to those that already have so much love for them. It is awesome, that completeness, but the fullness of its wholeness brings me to the realization that this kind of familial integrity is somewhat lacking in my life.
This is not to say that I have none -- I consider it one of my greatest blessings that I am a part of the Schlaegel family. My Grandparents are sweeter than life, my aunts and uncles and cousins are some of the funniest, most loving people in the world and I'm not even exaggerating, and the McClellan family -- wow! My time with them so far has shown me that they have been and are all of the above with the an emphasis on generosity and welcoming openness that I have never experienced at any other place or time in my life. Not only this, but they have shown me a perfect model of what family is. Full of love, hard work, and sacrifice, wrought with blunt honesty, and made complete with the stylings of all layers and ranges of emotion. Loud, silent, routine and surprising. Imperfect, and yet in this way, complete. I am blessed by this opportunity to experience life with them, to share life, laughter, toothpaste, water, toilet paper, love... it is my hope that I not outstay my welcome, and that God might help me to know how give back, and not merely to take.
What else is on my mind? It feels much clearer now, I think that covers the big things. I'm pretty sure I am to meet at the Smith's at 1:30. Work begins at 3, and as such I should probably leave with enough time to get back to the McClellan's and change and get to work.. that or I could go ahead and bring the clothes with me, change, and leave for work from there.. This second one sounds like the better of the two, and that way I can hopefully spend at least a little more time with them rather than eat and run off. At 2:38 I should probably start to change, and then leave by 2:45.
Note(s) to self: DONT forget something for putting the hair up. Leave McFly's (aka McClellans for all of you either unfamiliar with the family and/or my mind's processes)a note about when you will be back from work.
-OR-
pack up now and head home after work -- didn't bring anything to wear to church, anyway, and will probably be the only chance to head home this week...? Haven't seen mom in ages!
Hmm... Don't forget-- helping out 2nd service tomorrow, be there @ 9:30?
Also, I should make time for learning from a few chapters of Joshua today.
Pray about where to live in the future... apartment/shared house or something... (?)
..DO YOUR SCHOOLWORK
Start making Christmas cards...
L o v e w e l l this week.
Well I better go, I've got some packing to do!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Titus 2:11-14
"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good."
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Goal!
This bears no connotative reference to the Crew's recent victory, though I believe I just made one. (Hopefully that MLS Cup business goes well.) Rather, I'm attempting with this one word to convey my new objective; that is, to write clearly.
It is my hope that in practicing this, I'll learn to sow my thoughts neatly, that they might have the space and the opportunity to grow and mature in my mind (and the minds of others,) bearing a sweet, substantial fruit that blesses anyone whose lips so much as graze the minutest bit of its protective fuzz.
I so dig the horticultural metaphors.
..
Peachy.
It is my hope that in practicing this, I'll learn to sow my thoughts neatly, that they might have the space and the opportunity to grow and mature in my mind (and the minds of others,) bearing a sweet, substantial fruit that blesses anyone whose lips so much as graze the minutest bit of its protective fuzz.
I so dig the horticultural metaphors.
..
Peachy.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Straining toward what is ahead...
it seems that this time of year always makes me a little reminiscent of the high school days and all the conversations that took place then. It must be something in the air, or the way the house smells come wintertime that is just the same, and reminds me of this time --four years ago, even-- when, as a result of all the free time maybe, conversations were had that stick in my mind still, after all this time!
When I went to visit Dad in Albuquerque near the end of this summer, he fixed up and updated my laptop, and it occurred to both of us (after he saw all the music on here, and as a result, the lack of space) that there was a lot to clear out, as well as a lot to save. He gave me some discs to back up all the information here, and over the past month or so I have sorted through everything to save what I want and clear what it not necessary.
Because of this newfound organizational mindset, I have decided to start clearing out our pc at home. In so doing, I have come across a huge folder of saved past conversations, many of which are, of course, either sophomoric, sad, fairly pointless and/or mildly embarrasing. But that's what makes them so interesting to read!
This morning, I set out to read all of them and got through maybe 5 of forty and I sat down to one sensational discovery. Whether out of remorse or the occurrence that the person really did have a point all along, or both, I searched facebook for an old friend, to share with him that I finally understood what he was saying, to apologize for my stubbornness and to thank him for what he taught me so long ago.
I could not find him!
My heart did a funny sink-y pull and my mind started to process the disappointment that this was-- and just then a thought cleared the space in my mind as to make itself prominent as possible, and faded in beautifully:
"Forgetting what is behind and pressing on toward what is ahead"
And it made me think about now, right now, and living for the Lord and pursuing the Kingdom and how we can use our past to shape how we approach the future, and how soaking our minds and hearts in the past may not be the best way to go about forging our futures.
A lot of the conversations I had totally forgotten about anyway, so what is the point of going back to them, returning where I was? Every conversation that I did read today hit a familiar, nearly forgotten place in my heart, some much more pleasant than others. I will appreciate those for what I learned from them, but now I'm toying with the notion of chucking all of them, read or not --
Now, not all of the conversations were so gravely serious interactions that weighed on my heart and mind -- in fact, most weren't. Some are just the hopeful ramblings of a 16 year old girl looking to make some connection with some dreamy 16 year old boy, but they weren't substantial. They are fun to look back on, but besides nostalgia they're not worth a lot. If I don't remember some of the conversations I had, then obviously they weren't significant enough to mean a lot to my life, and as such, I should not waste time reading them, right?
If my life right now is to be about God and God only, then it's about time I lived like it, right now, not constantly thinking thoughts from the past -- happy or challenging -- but thinking totally on Him and how to serve Him with my mind and my heart and my actions [right now]. Maybe others can still maintain this focus while retaining all of their old communicative residue, all the thoughts and places in the development of their lives, but I think it's something that would be too much of a temptation, a distraction for me in the direct pursuit of God, right here, right now, with all that I have to offer.
---
Deleted. All of them. Officially.
"...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead..."
Philippians 3:13
When I went to visit Dad in Albuquerque near the end of this summer, he fixed up and updated my laptop, and it occurred to both of us (after he saw all the music on here, and as a result, the lack of space) that there was a lot to clear out, as well as a lot to save. He gave me some discs to back up all the information here, and over the past month or so I have sorted through everything to save what I want and clear what it not necessary.
Because of this newfound organizational mindset, I have decided to start clearing out our pc at home. In so doing, I have come across a huge folder of saved past conversations, many of which are, of course, either sophomoric, sad, fairly pointless and/or mildly embarrasing. But that's what makes them so interesting to read!
This morning, I set out to read all of them and got through maybe 5 of forty and I sat down to one sensational discovery. Whether out of remorse or the occurrence that the person really did have a point all along, or both, I searched facebook for an old friend, to share with him that I finally understood what he was saying, to apologize for my stubbornness and to thank him for what he taught me so long ago.
I could not find him!
My heart did a funny sink-y pull and my mind started to process the disappointment that this was-- and just then a thought cleared the space in my mind as to make itself prominent as possible, and faded in beautifully:
"Forgetting what is behind and pressing on toward what is ahead"
And it made me think about now, right now, and living for the Lord and pursuing the Kingdom and how we can use our past to shape how we approach the future, and how soaking our minds and hearts in the past may not be the best way to go about forging our futures.
A lot of the conversations I had totally forgotten about anyway, so what is the point of going back to them, returning where I was? Every conversation that I did read today hit a familiar, nearly forgotten place in my heart, some much more pleasant than others. I will appreciate those for what I learned from them, but now I'm toying with the notion of chucking all of them, read or not --
Now, not all of the conversations were so gravely serious interactions that weighed on my heart and mind -- in fact, most weren't. Some are just the hopeful ramblings of a 16 year old girl looking to make some connection with some dreamy 16 year old boy, but they weren't substantial. They are fun to look back on, but besides nostalgia they're not worth a lot. If I don't remember some of the conversations I had, then obviously they weren't significant enough to mean a lot to my life, and as such, I should not waste time reading them, right?
If my life right now is to be about God and God only, then it's about time I lived like it, right now, not constantly thinking thoughts from the past -- happy or challenging -- but thinking totally on Him and how to serve Him with my mind and my heart and my actions [right now]. Maybe others can still maintain this focus while retaining all of their old communicative residue, all the thoughts and places in the development of their lives, but I think it's something that would be too much of a temptation, a distraction for me in the direct pursuit of God, right here, right now, with all that I have to offer.
---
Deleted. All of them. Officially.
"...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead..."
Philippians 3:13
Thursday, October 30, 2008
1 Peter 5: 8-9
“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”
Yeah!
Yeah!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Ephesians 5:19-20
“Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
That sounds good.
That sounds good.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Breakfast
prompted a song, inspired by this throwback to catchy ninetys advertising:
Lentils in the morning, lentils in the evening, lentils at suppertime,
with lentils on the stovetop, we can have lentils anytime!
Mmmmm :).
Lentils in the morning, lentils in the evening, lentils at suppertime,
with lentils on the stovetop, we can have lentils anytime!
Mmmmm :).
Monday, October 20, 2008
A Breath of Fresh Air
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”
- Psalm 51:12
(today's biblegateway.com verse)
- Psalm 51:12
(today's biblegateway.com verse)
Friday, October 17, 2008
What makes me ridiculous...ly wonderful :)
I tried to pay my parking ticket online, but I guess since it's an electronic ticket, it's not possible to do so until after 5 pm.
Out of curiosity, I wondered whether it might be worth contesting. So I gave it a go!
Enjoy!
_____________________________ (The Following is what I sent as my contest)
Recently I have been in the hopeful pursuit of a new job! Following the completion of my philosophy test today, I set out to look into downtown Columbus' restaurant scene (I think it would be fun to be a waitress!) and, having seen the restaurant 'Barley's' on my way down High Street, decided to stop off at one of the meters and secure an application! I couldn't wait!
Keys in bag, bag on my shoulder, wallet in-hand and one foot out the door I surveyed my change purse... only to find seven pennies. In a flash of hope I recalled mom's center console -- the change haven! As it was, I had tapped into this resource for my last parking venture, and only the pennies remained -- 11 to be exact.
Pennies in hand, carefully recounted, I headed for the meter. Suppose it didn't take pennies? It was worth a try, anyway.
One penny in -- no difference. I tried again with
two more -- still no consequence!
My critical thinking skills kicked-in, and lead me to Yankee Trader, where an employee kindly granted my request to exchange 15 pennies for a nickel and a dime. (Surely I wouldn't need too much money to walk back down to the restaurant afterward!) I headed back to the car, hopeful as ever.
nickel in -- 3 minutes! We're getting somewhere!
dime in -- 3 minutes! ? Wait...
3.. or is it 8?
Maybe the numbers were a little difficult to read.
Now, I am a pretty brisk walker, but not quick enough to get to the restaurant and back in three minutes. What could I do? I remembered the money mom gave me before she left for the weekend, got a dollar, and headed back for more change. On the way back, I passed one of High Street's merchants with whom I had earlier exchanged smiles in transit, and rather than walk back to the store, decided to explain what had happened and ask the kind sir whether he had change for a dollar.
Kind indeed! -- Though he did not have enough to exchange for the dollar, he had an array of nickels and dimes and pennies, and (pennies omitted--he must have known better)generously gave them to me without accepting my dollar as a trade. I walked back to the meter, relieved and really ready to pick up an application!
A few nickels and dimes later, I re-evaluated the meter. Was that thirty five minutes or twenty five? I supposed thirty five, and headed for Barleys.
The sign on the window told me it was open at 11. Every day? Every day. I conferred with my phone, and found it was only ten twenty-something am. Seeing the bright side, I realized that it gave me a good excuse to walk around downtown to see what other restaurants I might find -- and I had just about as much time as was left on the meter! Off I went!
I wandered, smiled, got a couple suggestions from others about where might be good to work, got an application (!), inquired about employment elsewhere, and realized it was just about time to get back.
Having just left the Hyatt (I saw online that their restaurant was hiring!) I was on the opposite side of the street from my car and the restaurant, and decided that, rather than cross the street and head all the way down and backtrack to get back to the car, (I'm pretty certain that side of High Street had seen enough of me earlier,) I would just make use of the crosswalk further down the side I was currently on.
On the way down, I glanced at the car to make sure it was safe; free of papers on the windshield and whatnot. Nice and clear! I figured I still had a few more minutes.
Waiting for the crosswalk to do its thing, I checked out the phone -- it was 11:03! -- I would have to do this fast! After a couple of traffic exchanges, I followed the lead of the white-light man at the other side, and finally -- finally!-- went over to pick up my application.
Application-in-folder-in-purse I headed back, relieved, to the car and got in. I put the keys in, sang along with the CD as I got myself arranged and -- what could that be! Found the orange paper waiting for me underneath the wiper.
Bummer.
I unbuckled, got out and picked up my surprise.
Perhaps youguys receive more that you like of these ticket-contests, so I understand if you're a little worn out by the stories, but if you happen to have some mercy to spare, I'd gladly accept it!
If not, I understand that's just the way life goes sometime. At least I know now it's about time to replenish the center-console's change-wealth :). (And that meters aren't keen on pennies!)
Regardless of your decision, it might be good to check that meter out to make sure others will be able to read it better -- surely I could have just done the math and counted as I put the change in, but in my excitement at the time I guess it didn't occur to me!
Thank you and take care,
Ashley :)
:: UPDATE ::
They weren't having any of it.
Bummer.
Oh, the lessons.
Out of curiosity, I wondered whether it might be worth contesting. So I gave it a go!
Enjoy!
_____________________________ (The Following is what I sent as my contest)
Recently I have been in the hopeful pursuit of a new job! Following the completion of my philosophy test today, I set out to look into downtown Columbus' restaurant scene (I think it would be fun to be a waitress!) and, having seen the restaurant 'Barley's' on my way down High Street, decided to stop off at one of the meters and secure an application! I couldn't wait!
Keys in bag, bag on my shoulder, wallet in-hand and one foot out the door I surveyed my change purse... only to find seven pennies. In a flash of hope I recalled mom's center console -- the change haven! As it was, I had tapped into this resource for my last parking venture, and only the pennies remained -- 11 to be exact.
Pennies in hand, carefully recounted, I headed for the meter. Suppose it didn't take pennies? It was worth a try, anyway.
One penny in -- no difference. I tried again with
two more -- still no consequence!
My critical thinking skills kicked-in, and lead me to Yankee Trader, where an employee kindly granted my request to exchange 15 pennies for a nickel and a dime. (Surely I wouldn't need too much money to walk back down to the restaurant afterward!) I headed back to the car, hopeful as ever.
nickel in -- 3 minutes! We're getting somewhere!
dime in -- 3 minutes! ? Wait...
3.. or is it 8?
Maybe the numbers were a little difficult to read.
Now, I am a pretty brisk walker, but not quick enough to get to the restaurant and back in three minutes. What could I do? I remembered the money mom gave me before she left for the weekend, got a dollar, and headed back for more change. On the way back, I passed one of High Street's merchants with whom I had earlier exchanged smiles in transit, and rather than walk back to the store, decided to explain what had happened and ask the kind sir whether he had change for a dollar.
Kind indeed! -- Though he did not have enough to exchange for the dollar, he had an array of nickels and dimes and pennies, and (pennies omitted--he must have known better)generously gave them to me without accepting my dollar as a trade. I walked back to the meter, relieved and really ready to pick up an application!
A few nickels and dimes later, I re-evaluated the meter. Was that thirty five minutes or twenty five? I supposed thirty five, and headed for Barleys.
The sign on the window told me it was open at 11. Every day? Every day. I conferred with my phone, and found it was only ten twenty-something am. Seeing the bright side, I realized that it gave me a good excuse to walk around downtown to see what other restaurants I might find -- and I had just about as much time as was left on the meter! Off I went!
I wandered, smiled, got a couple suggestions from others about where might be good to work, got an application (!), inquired about employment elsewhere, and realized it was just about time to get back.
Having just left the Hyatt (I saw online that their restaurant was hiring!) I was on the opposite side of the street from my car and the restaurant, and decided that, rather than cross the street and head all the way down and backtrack to get back to the car, (I'm pretty certain that side of High Street had seen enough of me earlier,) I would just make use of the crosswalk further down the side I was currently on.
On the way down, I glanced at the car to make sure it was safe; free of papers on the windshield and whatnot. Nice and clear! I figured I still had a few more minutes.
Waiting for the crosswalk to do its thing, I checked out the phone -- it was 11:03! -- I would have to do this fast! After a couple of traffic exchanges, I followed the lead of the white-light man at the other side, and finally -- finally!-- went over to pick up my application.
Application-in-folder-in-purse I headed back, relieved, to the car and got in. I put the keys in, sang along with the CD as I got myself arranged and -- what could that be! Found the orange paper waiting for me underneath the wiper.
Bummer.
I unbuckled, got out and picked up my surprise.
Perhaps youguys receive more that you like of these ticket-contests, so I understand if you're a little worn out by the stories, but if you happen to have some mercy to spare, I'd gladly accept it!
If not, I understand that's just the way life goes sometime. At least I know now it's about time to replenish the center-console's change-wealth :). (And that meters aren't keen on pennies!)
Regardless of your decision, it might be good to check that meter out to make sure others will be able to read it better -- surely I could have just done the math and counted as I put the change in, but in my excitement at the time I guess it didn't occur to me!
Thank you and take care,
Ashley :)
:: UPDATE ::
They weren't having any of it.
Bummer.
Oh, the lessons.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Today's Verse
comes from Romans 12
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
It's such a mystery to me what God wills. Elusive as it is, it's on my mind a lot -- if I can only know what God wants of me, how He wants me to live my life, then I could carry it out and please Him with it. Or at least that's how my thoughts seemed to guide me. It's good to think about, but does there come a point where we spend too much effort trying to think about it, and not enough actually doing it?
There was this inspirational poster hanging in my 8th grade English classroom that read
Thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.
If this is the case, which my logic consents that it is,
and if we can better know God's will by the renewing of our mind
(and if it can be rightfully supposed that our thoughts begin in our mind)
then does that mean the first step to better understanding God's will might be
to change the way we think?
If this is the case, what are we to think about?
In my mind instantly clicked the recollection of a verse marked, in part, by the words 'think about such things.' A little Biblegateway.com - searching and we have:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
- Philippians 4:8
So then, we ought to think about what is
true
noble
right
pure
lovely
admirable
excellent &
praiseworthy
in such a way that our mind will be transformed as a result of that thought (I think God will take care of this)
and we might have a better idea of what God is all about.
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
It's such a mystery to me what God wills. Elusive as it is, it's on my mind a lot -- if I can only know what God wants of me, how He wants me to live my life, then I could carry it out and please Him with it. Or at least that's how my thoughts seemed to guide me. It's good to think about, but does there come a point where we spend too much effort trying to think about it, and not enough actually doing it?
There was this inspirational poster hanging in my 8th grade English classroom that read
Thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.
If this is the case, which my logic consents that it is,
and if we can better know God's will by the renewing of our mind
(and if it can be rightfully supposed that our thoughts begin in our mind)
then does that mean the first step to better understanding God's will might be
to change the way we think?
If this is the case, what are we to think about?
In my mind instantly clicked the recollection of a verse marked, in part, by the words 'think about such things.' A little Biblegateway.com - searching and we have:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
- Philippians 4:8
So then, we ought to think about what is
true
noble
right
pure
lovely
admirable
excellent &
praiseworthy
in such a way that our mind will be transformed as a result of that thought (I think God will take care of this)
and we might have a better idea of what God is all about.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Verse of the Day
“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
- Jeremiah 29:11
PRAISE THE LORD,
such the relief.
Just stumbled across this!
"Showing no concern for the uncertainties that lie ahead is the secret of walking with Jesus."
-My Utmost For His Highest
- Jeremiah 29:11
PRAISE THE LORD,
such the relief.
Just stumbled across this!
"Showing no concern for the uncertainties that lie ahead is the secret of walking with Jesus."
-My Utmost For His Highest
Friday, October 10, 2008
Verse of the Day
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”
-Proverbs 19:20-21
I always saw the latter verse exclusively before; now that the two are together, I'm helped to gain a new understanding of how to keep in step with God's purpose.
Gloria a Dios.
:)
-Proverbs 19:20-21
I always saw the latter verse exclusively before; now that the two are together, I'm helped to gain a new understanding of how to keep in step with God's purpose.
Gloria a Dios.
:)
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Today's Verse
“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”
- Proverbs 27:1
True that.
- Proverbs 27:1
True that.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Verse of the Day
“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.”
- Proverbs 29:25
Surely a word study could clear this all up pretty quickly, but for the sake of working through my thoughts, I'll avoid that resource.
Back in the old days, everytime I thought of what it was to 'fear' God, it seemed to me that meant we were to be afraid of Him. In some respects, I guess that could still be true -- He is God, and as such is very capable of a lot, some of which may be very scary -- now though, my mind settles on a different concept of fear.
More current thoughts about the fear of God bring my mind to settle on an idea of respect for Him. This is not any sort of respect though -- this is a reverence which, when applied, is poignant enough to alter our thoughts, make our decisions -- enough to remodel our entire being.
When we respect someone, do we not have a high regard for his opinions? Does it not lead us to desire to please him absolutely, that we might not let him down in any way? Do we not long for his favor?
Upon first reading through the verse, I wondered how fearing men could possibly be dangerous -- then it occured to me; man is deceitful, self-interested and constantly inconstant. To fully please man is to assume many different identities at one time, to define no parameters for personal character, and to make a life out of compromise. To fully please man is impossible, and would make for a destructive and dangerous life, indeed.
So why do we try so hard to do it?
Why do we endeavor so dutifully to earn the affections of all mankind when God's is the only significant opinion?
More later, perhaps!
- Proverbs 29:25
Surely a word study could clear this all up pretty quickly, but for the sake of working through my thoughts, I'll avoid that resource.
Back in the old days, everytime I thought of what it was to 'fear' God, it seemed to me that meant we were to be afraid of Him. In some respects, I guess that could still be true -- He is God, and as such is very capable of a lot, some of which may be very scary -- now though, my mind settles on a different concept of fear.
More current thoughts about the fear of God bring my mind to settle on an idea of respect for Him. This is not any sort of respect though -- this is a reverence which, when applied, is poignant enough to alter our thoughts, make our decisions -- enough to remodel our entire being.
When we respect someone, do we not have a high regard for his opinions? Does it not lead us to desire to please him absolutely, that we might not let him down in any way? Do we not long for his favor?
Upon first reading through the verse, I wondered how fearing men could possibly be dangerous -- then it occured to me; man is deceitful, self-interested and constantly inconstant. To fully please man is to assume many different identities at one time, to define no parameters for personal character, and to make a life out of compromise. To fully please man is impossible, and would make for a destructive and dangerous life, indeed.
So why do we try so hard to do it?
Why do we endeavor so dutifully to earn the affections of all mankind when God's is the only significant opinion?
More later, perhaps!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
A Song I Heard on the RADio Tonight
as sung by Joan Baez
called
God is God
(written by Steve Earle,)
goes as such:
I believe in prophecy
Some folks see things not everybody can see
And once in a while they pass the secret along to you and me
And I believe in miracles
Something sacred burning in every bush and tree
We can all learn to sing the songs the angels sing
Yes, I believe in God
And God ain't me
I've traveled around the world
Stood on mighty mountains and gazed across the wilderness
Never seen a line in the sand or a diamond in the dust
And as our fate unfurls
Every day that passes I'm sure about a little bit less
Even my money keeps telling me it's God I need to trust
And I believe in God
But God ain't us
God of my little understanding don't care what name I call
Whether or not I believe doesn't matter at all
I receive the blessings
That every day on earth's another chance to get it right
Let this little light of mine shine and rage against the night
Just another lesson
Maybe someone's watching and wondering what I got
Maybe this is why I'm here on earth and maybe not
But I believe in God
And God is God
called
God is God
(written by Steve Earle,)
goes as such:
I believe in prophecy
Some folks see things not everybody can see
And once in a while they pass the secret along to you and me
And I believe in miracles
Something sacred burning in every bush and tree
We can all learn to sing the songs the angels sing
Yes, I believe in God
And God ain't me
I've traveled around the world
Stood on mighty mountains and gazed across the wilderness
Never seen a line in the sand or a diamond in the dust
And as our fate unfurls
Every day that passes I'm sure about a little bit less
Even my money keeps telling me it's God I need to trust
And I believe in God
But God ain't us
God of my little understanding don't care what name I call
Whether or not I believe doesn't matter at all
I receive the blessings
That every day on earth's another chance to get it right
Let this little light of mine shine and rage against the night
Just another lesson
Maybe someone's watching and wondering what I got
Maybe this is why I'm here on earth and maybe not
But I believe in God
And God is God
Fun Fact #8
Bento is one of the neatest ideas this... and that! side of Japan.
"Bentō (弁当 or べんとう, Bentō?) is a single-portion takeout or home-packed meal common in Japanese cuisine. A traditional bento consists of rice, fish or meat, and one or more pickled or cooked vegetables as a side dish." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bento
I never realized the habitual tendency to play with my food could ever be so justified!
"Bentō (弁当 or べんとう, Bentō?) is a single-portion takeout or home-packed meal common in Japanese cuisine. A traditional bento consists of rice, fish or meat, and one or more pickled or cooked vegetables as a side dish." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bento
I never realized the habitual tendency to play with my food could ever be so justified!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Fun Fact #7
In my earlier years, I really fancied a tree frog as a pet. You have to feed them bugs, though, and I just couldn't bring myself to sacrifice so many innocent lives. Oh well!
Monday, September 22, 2008
Fun Fact #6
A running plan is officially in the works! Dad gave me a watch for tracking my progress but I have to say I couldn't help but feel like I was forsaking my inner hippie as each little hook of Velcro latched into place.
But that's okay, because I'm excited about this running thang.
:)
But that's okay, because I'm excited about this running thang.
:)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Fun Fact #5
Favorite smells:
Rain in the desert
Vanilla... It's just so warm and comfy and home-y :)
Johnson's softlotion
(the purple kind!)
Fall
Dolce & Gabbana's Light Blue
Dirt
Rain in the desert
Vanilla... It's just so warm and comfy and home-y :)
Johnson's softlotion
(the purple kind!)
Fall
Dolce & Gabbana's Light Blue
Dirt
Fun Fact #4
I would also REALLY like to visit Canada!
and see the Aurora Borealis
and have this quarter's French knowledge at-the-ready for keeping up with the Francophonic regions of the country.
and see the Aurora Borealis
and have this quarter's French knowledge at-the-ready for keeping up with the Francophonic regions of the country.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Well
I've got a lot to think about. Or, that is to say, there is just a lot on my mind these days. It is very refreshing to have the time to do some thinking, but honestly I feel that the subject of all my thoughts lately has been my own life. Fortunately God has graced me to remain considerate of others and aware of what's going on around me, but still I feel as though lately I've been too hung-up on thoughts about me. And these thoughts always focus around the same topic: what am I supposed to do with my life? Already this post has had 12 references to either me, myself, or I (15, now) and I(16!) can't help but feel guilty for that, somewhat selfish perhaps.
But still, I want so badly to know.
I want to know how best to serve God with this life He has given me. I want to have figured this out so that I can stop thinking about myself and the specifics about my life so that I can focus my thoughts on others first, and serving them the way He wants.
But then again, maybe those are the specifics.
Maybe the thing to do is to stop working on coming up with an efficient little plan for what to study and when to go where (it obviously has not proven helpful so far, besides to finally come to this conclusion)
and start finding peace in serving Him regardless of a plan.
This is where God has me right now.
The very best I can do is continue to pray about all this and trust that He's working on His own arrangements, and will clue me in here and there when the time is right.
Glad to have figured that out!
Gloria y gracias a Dios.
- Ashley :)
But still, I want so badly to know.
I want to know how best to serve God with this life He has given me. I want to have figured this out so that I can stop thinking about myself and the specifics about my life so that I can focus my thoughts on others first, and serving them the way He wants.
But then again, maybe those are the specifics.
Maybe the thing to do is to stop working on coming up with an efficient little plan for what to study and when to go where (it obviously has not proven helpful so far, besides to finally come to this conclusion)
and start finding peace in serving Him regardless of a plan.
This is where God has me right now.
The very best I can do is continue to pray about all this and trust that He's working on His own arrangements, and will clue me in here and there when the time is right.
Glad to have figured that out!
Gloria y gracias a Dios.
- Ashley :)
Friday, September 5, 2008
Wow
stormy day
Sufjan is whispering in my ear
God is tugging at my heart
it is all so very intense
remarkable.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Cool!
http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/COUNTRIES/LACEXT/0,,contentMDK:20018960~menuPK:258569~pagePK:2865106~piPK:2865128~theSitePK:258554,00.html
While searching UNM's list of degrees and programs, I meandered on over to the 'art education' side of town... just for fun :). There, I saw under the Master's Degree heading, the class "Art for at risk youth."
Kinda grabbed my heart a little!
cool.
While searching UNM's list of degrees and programs, I meandered on over to the 'art education' side of town... just for fun :). There, I saw under the Master's Degree heading, the class "Art for at risk youth."
Kinda grabbed my heart a little!
cool.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Ohh my
Well, I went to bed last night with the intention of getting lots of rest for work today! After I got comfy and managed the longest uninterrupted (not to mention, completed!) prayer of my entire life (I guess there's a first for everything!) I found my eyes open and my mind very much the same, neither overcome by any sense of drowsiness. I looked at the clock.
It was 9:30.
haha! I don't know whaaat I was thinking, trying to go to bed that early.
true, a 6:30 alarm was in the future, but in terms of alarms and waking up these days, it was by no means the near future! Even if I did manage comatose at this time, it surely wouldn't last ten hours. Unless maybe I was having the greatest dream of all. But you have to be asleep to work something like that.
to maximize the use of my mental capacity and availability, I started thinking on a project that just recently came to know what can be called its 'primary stages.' I appealed to God for ideas, and he immediately sent one! I'm still trying to process it, trying to see whether He might lead me to something else by way of additional thought on it, but for now we've got a good start.
I'll have to research the cost of fake bricks here in Columbus. Sounds wacky for sure! but I think we're building at something :).
Hopefully they are cheaper than this! Maybe there is a bulk discount or something.
(*Aside: I am surprised to see just how many flickr images of fake bricks! Who'dve thought!)
Well, so -- I set off back for some sleep by now. After some minutes of profundity of thought (that is to say, an attempt at 'not' thinking) my mind managed a small bout of calm, and then hesitated none in coming back 'round to its restless gamboling, shining an obnoxious beam of light about all in my mind that had just managed to settle down under the blessing of its temporary little mind-lended sleepy dust. Heavens, I can't believe I just created that sentence.
It was 10:30.
Really, now?
Quick rest, then restlessness came back again, and I realized it would be nice to use the restroom. Yes, that would be a great idea!
Hello, 10:50!
Like any sensible person, I began to think about what could aid my inability to keep my eyes shut, and my mind at ease.
Reading, of course! Maybe if I forced my mind and eyes to stay open, they would eventually come around to doing what they do best and defy all of my present energies to make them work the way I want. Reverse psychology, for myself! How novel.
Novel! haha.
So novel, in fact, that it took on the guise of Robert M. Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. We read it in 10th grade, but frankly I forgot just about all that happened, except for the part where he stares at the wall for three days and defecates all over himself. Of course I'd remember that. But even then, I don't remember why he did it. A re-read was in order.
Generally, this idea works pretty well.
Unfortunately, the book is actually pretty interesting.
I capped the experience at the end of the first chapter, and went back to sleep.
To sleep.
Sleep!
It lasted hours, this time!
Then I woke up, again, surprised not because it happened, but because I had made it all the way to 1:36 am! And I felt less awake, like a poco groggy maybe, (accomplishment!) but awake, nonetheless. I checked facebook, and then under the assumption that God wanted me up for a reason, decided to document this little escapade that you're reading now!
You will be happy to know that, 42 minutes later, I am feeling pretty tired!
And I realize, now, that my 6:00 pm attempt at fashioning my own homemade iced cappuccino (and then of course proceeding to consume it!) was probably not the keenest way to secure a good night's sleep.
I am glad to have had this time to learn that enjoying caffeinated anything late in the evening really does have an effect on me! That or God really wanted me to write this. Or both!!
I also learned that, for myself personally, insomnia-inspired writing tends to bear a lot of exclamation (!).
Once I read that, if it is a lucid dream you desire, all you have to do is wake up for an hour in the middle of the night, then go back to sleep, with a few hours' sleep left between then and the time you wake up. I always wanted to try it, but never found the time, or ability!
Happily, I report, that this has created the perfect circumstances to experiment with this particular sleep-situation. Yay!
Allow me to leave you with some flickr results for 'lucid dream' (I still have five minutes to round off a whole hour!)
Some I appreciate;
Others -- not so much!
But such is life.
This one was borderline both, I had to include it.
My five minutes is up! And six minutes additionally expended! Hopefully it still works :).
Sweet dreams!
It was 9:30.
haha! I don't know whaaat I was thinking, trying to go to bed that early.
true, a 6:30 alarm was in the future, but in terms of alarms and waking up these days, it was by no means the near future! Even if I did manage comatose at this time, it surely wouldn't last ten hours. Unless maybe I was having the greatest dream of all. But you have to be asleep to work something like that.
to maximize the use of my mental capacity and availability, I started thinking on a project that just recently came to know what can be called its 'primary stages.' I appealed to God for ideas, and he immediately sent one! I'm still trying to process it, trying to see whether He might lead me to something else by way of additional thought on it, but for now we've got a good start.
I'll have to research the cost of fake bricks here in Columbus. Sounds wacky for sure! but I think we're building at something :).
Hopefully they are cheaper than this! Maybe there is a bulk discount or something.
(*Aside: I am surprised to see just how many flickr images of fake bricks! Who'dve thought!)
Well, so -- I set off back for some sleep by now. After some minutes of profundity of thought (that is to say, an attempt at 'not' thinking) my mind managed a small bout of calm, and then hesitated none in coming back 'round to its restless gamboling, shining an obnoxious beam of light about all in my mind that had just managed to settle down under the blessing of its temporary little mind-lended sleepy dust. Heavens, I can't believe I just created that sentence.
It was 10:30.
Really, now?
Quick rest, then restlessness came back again, and I realized it would be nice to use the restroom. Yes, that would be a great idea!
Hello, 10:50!
Like any sensible person, I began to think about what could aid my inability to keep my eyes shut, and my mind at ease.
Reading, of course! Maybe if I forced my mind and eyes to stay open, they would eventually come around to doing what they do best and defy all of my present energies to make them work the way I want. Reverse psychology, for myself! How novel.
Novel! haha.
So novel, in fact, that it took on the guise of Robert M. Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. We read it in 10th grade, but frankly I forgot just about all that happened, except for the part where he stares at the wall for three days and defecates all over himself. Of course I'd remember that. But even then, I don't remember why he did it. A re-read was in order.
Generally, this idea works pretty well.
Unfortunately, the book is actually pretty interesting.
I capped the experience at the end of the first chapter, and went back to sleep.
To sleep.
Sleep!
It lasted hours, this time!
Then I woke up, again, surprised not because it happened, but because I had made it all the way to 1:36 am! And I felt less awake, like a poco groggy maybe, (accomplishment!) but awake, nonetheless. I checked facebook, and then under the assumption that God wanted me up for a reason, decided to document this little escapade that you're reading now!
You will be happy to know that, 42 minutes later, I am feeling pretty tired!
And I realize, now, that my 6:00 pm attempt at fashioning my own homemade iced cappuccino (and then of course proceeding to consume it!) was probably not the keenest way to secure a good night's sleep.
I am glad to have had this time to learn that enjoying caffeinated anything late in the evening really does have an effect on me! That or God really wanted me to write this. Or both!!
I also learned that, for myself personally, insomnia-inspired writing tends to bear a lot of exclamation (!).
Once I read that, if it is a lucid dream you desire, all you have to do is wake up for an hour in the middle of the night, then go back to sleep, with a few hours' sleep left between then and the time you wake up. I always wanted to try it, but never found the time, or ability!
Happily, I report, that this has created the perfect circumstances to experiment with this particular sleep-situation. Yay!
Allow me to leave you with some flickr results for 'lucid dream' (I still have five minutes to round off a whole hour!)
Some I appreciate;
Others -- not so much!
But such is life.
This one was borderline both, I had to include it.
My five minutes is up! And six minutes additionally expended! Hopefully it still works :).
Sweet dreams!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
How Nice
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be confident knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to
sing
dance
praise, and
love.
It is there for each and every one of us.
- Mother Theresa, Her Prayer
Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing through my open ears exciting and inviting me Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns It calls me on and on across the universe
- The Beatles, Across the Universe
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be confident knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to
sing
dance
praise, and
love.
It is there for each and every one of us.
- Mother Theresa, Her Prayer
Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing through my open ears exciting and inviting me Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns It calls me on and on across the universe
- The Beatles, Across the Universe
Friday, August 22, 2008
I'm very excited to look back on this someday and think "Wow, how amazing is it that you have answered that prayer this way, God?! Thanks for getting me to write it down!"
That said,
God,
I pray that you would develop in me a heart for you, a heart that gravitates toward what you love, and grieves over those things rallying for your opposition.
Help me see the world as you see it, and to respond to it with love.
Guide me.
Develop also in me a passion, a passion for something. A passion that drives me to serve you with everything I have, a passion that draws me up and draws others in.
Please help me to see all things beautiful, to fully appreciate every part of this life that you give me.
To find a Godly community to belong to, to share life with, to grow with.
To always be appreciative of life.
To serve others like you do.
Thank you.
In Jesus name, amen.
It's official
the go is no longer.
I'm not going and I'm not sad about it!
Praise God for:
decisionmaking
peace
lessons
learning
teaching us to stick with our hearts
being in our hearts to make them credible for sticking with
Amen.
I'm not going and I'm not sad about it!
Praise God for:
decisionmaking
peace
lessons
learning
teaching us to stick with our hearts
being in our hearts to make them credible for sticking with
Amen.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
So...
Yesterday was interesting!
First, mom and I prepared to take some rugs to the laundromat.
I got a call from one of the elders of our church that I had requested to speak with. He, his wife, and I were going to meet for dinner Wednesday to discuss some of the recent goings-on, but he remembered that they had a prior engagement for their grandson's birthday then, and did I desire to arrange another time? I suggested that anytime would be fine, and we could even just talk on the phone if that would be easier. Is now a good time for you, he asked? Now was. We talked then, and for the next 37 minutes.
He was a forwarding agent for missionaries in Zimbabwe years back, and also had served as the Missions Chairman at a different church for years back in the day. You might say hes had a little experience with these sorts of things.
Anyway, he had a lot of wisdom to share, and had brought up many points that I had never considered before. More tough things to chew on, more of those 'nutritive juices' to grow from...
and, long story short, I have come to decide that China is not in my immediate future.
As exciting and spectacular as the opportunity is,
and as rewarding an experience as I'm sure it would be,
I've come to realize that I'm just not ready.
While I'm sure God would take great care of me while I was there,
and would make the absolute best out of my efforts,
I just don't think it is the best thing for me to pursue right now.
And frankly, I still don't know what is.
One of the things he said that stuck in my mind was that we honor God with our preparation.
We all know I certainly didn't go about it the right way!
Sure, I did the best with what I was given, but there are many other consideration that I managed to gloss-over before with my idealism.
- Language
- Cultural considerations (reading up about it on a website once or twice doesn't quite cut it somehow!)
- The fact that I've never taught a class (which, apparently, isn't quite the big deal, but if I'm going to go into a situation like this, I should think I will want to have foundation enough to know, in my heart, that I was going to be the best teacher I could be. This way I would have confidence that would allow me to excel spiritually rather than be too preoccupied 'the teacherly things' to focus on anything else.
- I was not going out with a team, or going to join a large group of supporters. While the few there would, I'm sure, be tremendous support and would take care of me physically, emotionally and spiritually, there is just something about a strong network of believers that is important to be a part of.
- Those I would be joining have a different system of belief than do I. While they are sincere and have a great heart for God, pursuing this would put me in an awkward position. This hurt to realize. Just because they are different doesn't mean we can't work together for God, right? We could indeed still collaborate. But I would be representing, and identified as, something that wasn't exactly what I was all about. Perhaps that is not the best thing, for me, or for others that would desire to come to know God. Suppose they would ask how to know God and be saved? My choice, in responding, would either be to contradict those I was coming to work with or to contradict myself. I'd rather not do either.
There was a lot to consider, and a lot more preparation that should be done than should be fit into a week.
I thought about all this.
While we were waiting for the rugs to dry, I decided Id better call the visa service people when I got back home.
I did. They said they could hold it for me.
I checked my email. It said my visa payment had been denied! According to the time on the email, this had happened before I had even made the decision to not continue my pursuit.
If you want to know the details, I can tell you, otherwise I'll just let you know that I made a goofy mistake!
"Let's just go to lunch," I said.
The plan was to go to Banana Leaf for lunch, because I have been wanting to go all summer long and we finally had an opportunity! We got in the car to make our way there, and mom noticed that the our little garden at the top of the driveway needed watering. Could she do that before we left for lunch? I said yes, and checked the mail.
There were the usual bills of course, but also part of this particular delivery were two different peoples' contributions to my China trip (including one of their company's matched support) and my acceptance letter to the University of New Mexico.
I handed the letter to mom and started crying. Five seconds later (just long enough for her to take in the congratulatory remarks) we were laughing. School is scheduled to start Monday, August 25th.
What in the world?!
It turns out they had been sent to my Johnson address, and then took more time to arrive back here. Great timing :).
I contemplating getting everything ready, but realized again that there is a lot more preparation that would be nice to do before heading back to school. A lot more than should be fit into a week.
We finally made our way 'round to Banana Leaf, and found it was closed.
Mom remembered another Indian restaurant further down Bethel road that all the doctors raved about all the time. We went there.
It was delicious!
Afterward we stopped at Mike and Lisa's and saw the boys. They have grown up so quickly! Brandon was doing this hilarious impression of a couple of Indian men that sat in front of them on a roller coaster. Who knows what young kids take in?? He sounded pretty legit.
We went to Grandma and Grandpa's afterward so mom could pick up her car, which she left there for the weekend (some driving arrangement for work and heading to the Bass fishing tournament in Pennsylvania.) We talked for a long time as Schlaegels always do. Grandpa wanted to fill up my gas tank so we went and did that (bless him) and then headed out to go back home. I think it was the first time Id had to myself to think all day long. That was nice.
Mom had the radio on in the car (for the first time since forever) and a song came on as I was almost home. It didn't catch my mind until I heard this:
When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began.
...
And these broken parts you redeem,
Become the song, that I can sing
Here I am, Lord send me,
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is a part of your plan,
Here I am
Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but you can.
Later that night I made some phone calls.
First, mom and I prepared to take some rugs to the laundromat.
I got a call from one of the elders of our church that I had requested to speak with. He, his wife, and I were going to meet for dinner Wednesday to discuss some of the recent goings-on, but he remembered that they had a prior engagement for their grandson's birthday then, and did I desire to arrange another time? I suggested that anytime would be fine, and we could even just talk on the phone if that would be easier. Is now a good time for you, he asked? Now was. We talked then, and for the next 37 minutes.
He was a forwarding agent for missionaries in Zimbabwe years back, and also had served as the Missions Chairman at a different church for years back in the day. You might say hes had a little experience with these sorts of things.
Anyway, he had a lot of wisdom to share, and had brought up many points that I had never considered before. More tough things to chew on, more of those 'nutritive juices' to grow from...
and, long story short, I have come to decide that China is not in my immediate future.
As exciting and spectacular as the opportunity is,
and as rewarding an experience as I'm sure it would be,
I've come to realize that I'm just not ready.
While I'm sure God would take great care of me while I was there,
and would make the absolute best out of my efforts,
I just don't think it is the best thing for me to pursue right now.
And frankly, I still don't know what is.
One of the things he said that stuck in my mind was that we honor God with our preparation.
We all know I certainly didn't go about it the right way!
Sure, I did the best with what I was given, but there are many other consideration that I managed to gloss-over before with my idealism.
- Language
- Cultural considerations (reading up about it on a website once or twice doesn't quite cut it somehow!)
- The fact that I've never taught a class (which, apparently, isn't quite the big deal, but if I'm going to go into a situation like this, I should think I will want to have foundation enough to know, in my heart, that I was going to be the best teacher I could be. This way I would have confidence that would allow me to excel spiritually rather than be too preoccupied 'the teacherly things' to focus on anything else.
- I was not going out with a team, or going to join a large group of supporters. While the few there would, I'm sure, be tremendous support and would take care of me physically, emotionally and spiritually, there is just something about a strong network of believers that is important to be a part of.
- Those I would be joining have a different system of belief than do I. While they are sincere and have a great heart for God, pursuing this would put me in an awkward position. This hurt to realize. Just because they are different doesn't mean we can't work together for God, right? We could indeed still collaborate. But I would be representing, and identified as, something that wasn't exactly what I was all about. Perhaps that is not the best thing, for me, or for others that would desire to come to know God. Suppose they would ask how to know God and be saved? My choice, in responding, would either be to contradict those I was coming to work with or to contradict myself. I'd rather not do either.
There was a lot to consider, and a lot more preparation that should be done than should be fit into a week.
I thought about all this.
While we were waiting for the rugs to dry, I decided Id better call the visa service people when I got back home.
I did. They said they could hold it for me.
I checked my email. It said my visa payment had been denied! According to the time on the email, this had happened before I had even made the decision to not continue my pursuit.
If you want to know the details, I can tell you, otherwise I'll just let you know that I made a goofy mistake!
"Let's just go to lunch," I said.
The plan was to go to Banana Leaf for lunch, because I have been wanting to go all summer long and we finally had an opportunity! We got in the car to make our way there, and mom noticed that the our little garden at the top of the driveway needed watering. Could she do that before we left for lunch? I said yes, and checked the mail.
There were the usual bills of course, but also part of this particular delivery were two different peoples' contributions to my China trip (including one of their company's matched support) and my acceptance letter to the University of New Mexico.
I handed the letter to mom and started crying. Five seconds later (just long enough for her to take in the congratulatory remarks) we were laughing. School is scheduled to start Monday, August 25th.
What in the world?!
It turns out they had been sent to my Johnson address, and then took more time to arrive back here. Great timing :).
I contemplating getting everything ready, but realized again that there is a lot more preparation that would be nice to do before heading back to school. A lot more than should be fit into a week.
We finally made our way 'round to Banana Leaf, and found it was closed.
Mom remembered another Indian restaurant further down Bethel road that all the doctors raved about all the time. We went there.
It was delicious!
Afterward we stopped at Mike and Lisa's and saw the boys. They have grown up so quickly! Brandon was doing this hilarious impression of a couple of Indian men that sat in front of them on a roller coaster. Who knows what young kids take in?? He sounded pretty legit.
We went to Grandma and Grandpa's afterward so mom could pick up her car, which she left there for the weekend (some driving arrangement for work and heading to the Bass fishing tournament in Pennsylvania.) We talked for a long time as Schlaegels always do. Grandpa wanted to fill up my gas tank so we went and did that (bless him) and then headed out to go back home. I think it was the first time Id had to myself to think all day long. That was nice.
Mom had the radio on in the car (for the first time since forever) and a song came on as I was almost home. It didn't catch my mind until I heard this:
When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began.
...
And these broken parts you redeem,
Become the song, that I can sing
Here I am, Lord send me,
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is a part of your plan,
Here I am
Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but you can.
Later that night I made some phone calls.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
So
China.
Finally got the visa sent!
Recently, not going to lie, I have had a hard time, a mental conundrum of sorts. It seems a lot of those I love and respect, those with more life experience, more wisdom, more opinions than I have, are not feeling the jolliest about these China plans.
Yes, it was fast
No, I probably didn't think about it long enough
Maybe it's not what God had in mind
but then again maybe
just maybe
it will be alright.
It is something that has definitely been on my mind lately; should I go? should I not? whaaat do I do ? Perhaps the thought process is catching up with me -- not much thought before the decision, a ton now :) -- I have considered, and deeply respect the thoughts and advice of my superiors. And after all this consideration.... I have decided to maintain a steadfast "yes!" Yes, I will go. All the thought may have been hard to chew at first, but it has gotten softer, soft enough to swallow even, and I have gained tremendously from all of the nutritive juices that have leaked out of it!
Certainly the last thing I want to do is displease anybody with this decision, but I think God will work with it, whether I had the sense to go about it 'the right way' or not.
I wish this could be organized in a more sophisticated, sensible way, but the following will just be a pouring out of the thoughts that have been developing as a result of all this processing.
- Romans 8:28 (Message Version)
"...we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
I know, in my heart, that I am going because of God. Perhaps it is not His immediate will for my life. (Frankly I can't say that I know what that is.) But because I want to make His glory as apparent as humanly, governmentally, linguistically possible.
Because of this, because He has set this desire in my heart to please Him with my life, I believe it will go well.
- It's true, I have within me the potential to share His love and to make His glory known anywhere, in any endeavor, in any pursuit; in China, in the U.S., in the grocery store down the street. And that's what I have been striving to do, working toward daily with my life. One day at a time, learning, tripping, learning more...One day at a time for Him.
It just so happens that one of those days, this opportunity came!
- It is a great opportunity, indeed. And what a better time for me to go! Sure, maybe even a months' more preparation would have been better, but in that 'big picture,' I currently have no bindings, educational, relational, work-related, or otherwise.
- I am young, but perhaps this isn't such a bad thing. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. -1Timothy 4:12
- More of this great opportunity talk! Let's take a look:
Even if it weren't for missions, it is, like, the best deal anyone could ever ask for. Only a plane ticket and visa costs up-front (and these will be reimbursed later) and the rest is covered.
*Free room and board in a good apartment
*I'll get the chance to learn another language for free (both by default, and through daily
tutoring)
*I'll come to know what it's really like to be a missionary, to live cross culturally, to be far out of my comfort zone, to depend fully on God.
- It is an experience I have been working toward through my life, my education, mine and others prayers... and one that has the potential to teach me more than I could have ever expected.
God has allowed for this to be, and we know that He will not bring our direction anything that He doesn't believe we can't handle. I don't think He would be misleading in having opened all these doors!
I am excited and thankful for this opportunity.
May God's will be done.
Finally got the visa sent!
Recently, not going to lie, I have had a hard time, a mental conundrum of sorts. It seems a lot of those I love and respect, those with more life experience, more wisdom, more opinions than I have, are not feeling the jolliest about these China plans.
Yes, it was fast
No, I probably didn't think about it long enough
Maybe it's not what God had in mind
but then again maybe
just maybe
it will be alright.
It is something that has definitely been on my mind lately; should I go? should I not? whaaat do I do ? Perhaps the thought process is catching up with me -- not much thought before the decision, a ton now :) -- I have considered, and deeply respect the thoughts and advice of my superiors. And after all this consideration.... I have decided to maintain a steadfast "yes!" Yes, I will go. All the thought may have been hard to chew at first, but it has gotten softer, soft enough to swallow even, and I have gained tremendously from all of the nutritive juices that have leaked out of it!
Certainly the last thing I want to do is displease anybody with this decision, but I think God will work with it, whether I had the sense to go about it 'the right way' or not.
I wish this could be organized in a more sophisticated, sensible way, but the following will just be a pouring out of the thoughts that have been developing as a result of all this processing.
- Romans 8:28 (Message Version)
"...we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
I know, in my heart, that I am going because of God. Perhaps it is not His immediate will for my life. (Frankly I can't say that I know what that is.) But because I want to make His glory as apparent as humanly, governmentally, linguistically possible.
Because of this, because He has set this desire in my heart to please Him with my life, I believe it will go well.
- It's true, I have within me the potential to share His love and to make His glory known anywhere, in any endeavor, in any pursuit; in China, in the U.S., in the grocery store down the street. And that's what I have been striving to do, working toward daily with my life. One day at a time, learning, tripping, learning more...One day at a time for Him.
It just so happens that one of those days, this opportunity came!
- It is a great opportunity, indeed. And what a better time for me to go! Sure, maybe even a months' more preparation would have been better, but in that 'big picture,' I currently have no bindings, educational, relational, work-related, or otherwise.
- I am young, but perhaps this isn't such a bad thing. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. -1Timothy 4:12
- More of this great opportunity talk! Let's take a look:
Even if it weren't for missions, it is, like, the best deal anyone could ever ask for. Only a plane ticket and visa costs up-front (and these will be reimbursed later) and the rest is covered.
*Free room and board in a good apartment
*I'll get the chance to learn another language for free (both by default, and through daily
tutoring)
*I'll come to know what it's really like to be a missionary, to live cross culturally, to be far out of my comfort zone, to depend fully on God.
- It is an experience I have been working toward through my life, my education, mine and others prayers... and one that has the potential to teach me more than I could have ever expected.
God has allowed for this to be, and we know that He will not bring our direction anything that He doesn't believe we can't handle. I don't think He would be misleading in having opened all these doors!
I am excited and thankful for this opportunity.
May God's will be done.
Today / Mental Notes
I'm sending for the Visa. After working a couple days at the box factory, I have finally come up with enough dollars to go ahead and send it to be processed. Mental note: save the receipt.
Also, I need to begin to think about the lesson plans. They have suggested that I prepare a months' worth before I get there to make for a nice foundation to start from. Doing them here and knowing what to expect later on will, I suppose, help me understand more about the necessary resources, time, thought processes for composing a lesson. It may be that I won't need them, depending on the school's curriculum, but that's alright, it just means preparation for later!
For whatever reason, I have yet to talk to a couple of the strong mentors in my life about this development! I'll see Mr. Dale (the honey man) at the farmer's market this morning (I'm finally able to go! Plenty of time this Saturday) but I haven't even emailed Mr. Darden at the Tennessee CSF, or Senor Dungan from la escuela yet. I wonder why this has happened? It might also be good to get an email out to the Schlaegel side of the family, so they might know what's going on!
Also to do today: Give half price books a ring, see if they haven't got any Chinese/Mandarin-English dictionaries.
Stop at the bank, deposit check, switch some savings into checking.
It's odd to think I'll be leaving ten days from now. I'm definitely not ready yet.
But there is still time to prepare.
Trust God, Ash.
He's got the best in mind.
Also, I need to begin to think about the lesson plans. They have suggested that I prepare a months' worth before I get there to make for a nice foundation to start from. Doing them here and knowing what to expect later on will, I suppose, help me understand more about the necessary resources, time, thought processes for composing a lesson. It may be that I won't need them, depending on the school's curriculum, but that's alright, it just means preparation for later!
For whatever reason, I have yet to talk to a couple of the strong mentors in my life about this development! I'll see Mr. Dale (the honey man) at the farmer's market this morning (I'm finally able to go! Plenty of time this Saturday) but I haven't even emailed Mr. Darden at the Tennessee CSF, or Senor Dungan from la escuela yet. I wonder why this has happened? It might also be good to get an email out to the Schlaegel side of the family, so they might know what's going on!
Also to do today: Give half price books a ring, see if they haven't got any Chinese/Mandarin-English dictionaries.
Stop at the bank, deposit check, switch some savings into checking.
It's odd to think I'll be leaving ten days from now. I'm definitely not ready yet.
But there is still time to prepare.
Trust God, Ash.
He's got the best in mind.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Sleep
is a beautiful, precious thing.
When I drive home without enough of it, my mind makes funny shapes out of the lights and the road.
Praise God for rest, and the satisfaction that comes with it.
There is so much I should be writing right now about China, mostly the whole stage of doubt and whatnot after the nearly overwhelming onslaught of others' severe hesitancy in the situation. Afterward, though, as everyone has been praying, mom and grandma (and I think grandpa and dad, both!) have a tremendous peace and sense of acceptance about the idea. How cool is this!
I'm very tired right now. There are a bazillion things to do, but one God to serve. May I serve you, God, in the way everything is handled, in all the things I set out to do.
I have successfully fallen asleep / began to daydream twice in the writing of this post. Time for bed!
p.s. -- three times. Sleepy time go!
p.p.s. -- four. The end (for now!) : )
When I drive home without enough of it, my mind makes funny shapes out of the lights and the road.
Praise God for rest, and the satisfaction that comes with it.
There is so much I should be writing right now about China, mostly the whole stage of doubt and whatnot after the nearly overwhelming onslaught of others' severe hesitancy in the situation. Afterward, though, as everyone has been praying, mom and grandma (and I think grandpa and dad, both!) have a tremendous peace and sense of acceptance about the idea. How cool is this!
I'm very tired right now. There are a bazillion things to do, but one God to serve. May I serve you, God, in the way everything is handled, in all the things I set out to do.
I have successfully fallen asleep / began to daydream twice in the writing of this post. Time for bed!
p.s. -- three times. Sleepy time go!
p.p.s. -- four. The end (for now!) : )
Monday, August 11, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Yesterday I got a phone call from China
This may as well be written down because, as Dad says, if it turns out to be the beginning of some incredible new development, it will be most beneficial to have kept record of the very initial points, or, in this case, a preface (of sorts.) And, if it happens to be something I'd never get into again, then I'd best write about it because it is an experience to remember. Either way, then, there is no excuse not to write.
Glory to God.
Just so youall know, I've Sufjan playing on the ipod and all of my favorites have played back-to-back. 4 in a row, now, out of all of them. God loves. God loves us.
(All the Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands
Redford
That Dress Looks Nice on You
Vito's Ordination Song)
About a month ago after church as we were drawing the weekly Schlaegel-Family reunion to a close, I crossed paths with Mrs. Barb Jones. In the process of our catching up, she, like many other inquisitive loved ones as of late, said something to the tune of:
"So I saw that you're all done with school now! That's so great!
What was it you studied again?
What is the plan, now? "
_______
Yes, yes it is!
I studied Missions and the Bible!
Good question!
(Interjection)
HE JUST MADE REPLAY ONE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED ^ FAVORITES, that is, the one that, when I hear it, captivates my heart and reminds that he loves me so so much.. deeply, intimately. So much.
(I am blown away.)
After she heard missions, I believe some synapses flared in her mind that led her to suggest to me
"Oh, welll, speaking of missions, somebody mentioned to me recently something about how they're needing help in China or Japan or something like that. I can't remember which one it is, but I'll just find out and let you know next week!"
Oh my gosh.. He just did it again. The same one, Hes made play, like, every other song.
My heart has that exploding feeling.
Melting, now.
He's doing it again.
So the next week rolls around (June 22nd, now) and to my dismay, I did not see Barb! I did, however, see Ms. Candice, who informed me that someone informed her to inform me ... :) ... that it was neither China, nor Japan, it was Cambodia. I asked her if she knew what 'it' was, exactly. She said she had no clue. I said okiedokie.
After church mom and I stole away to the Worthington Art Festival. Not twenty two minutes after arriving, we ran into Bill and Tri, a husband and wife couple who are friends from church. The inevitable question about education and plans slipped its way in again, which I addressed with all my updates, and even mentioned that somebody mentioned something about Cambodia that could be cool, and it would be neat to learn more about.
Tri said: "Oh! Youuuuuuu're the one Barb talked to! I was the one that told her about that! Bill and I have friends that just left to do missions work, and they're actually looking for [good examples] to hire as English teachers..." She filled me in on more details, and got my information.
Later that week, I got an email from her saying that I should feel free to contact John and Cheri, her friends. I did so. They were nice, and we began to learn more about each other through exchanged emails. At one point about a week later they let me know that if I could send in my resume and picture, they could take a look around to see if there were any schools that could use me. I did so.
That was the last I heard from them since yesterday morning.
My cell phone rang with an unavailable number.
If there is a deep-voiced Bubble-Monster who sound like he's talking underwater, that's who was on the other line. I couldn't understand a thing, so the conversation ended shortly after I kindly suggested the caller might try to call back and hopefully it would work out better!
Five minutes later came another ringadingding on the cell phone. The number started with 861, and was followed by ten other numbers. That's an obscure phone number, I thought. I answered.
"Hello, is this Ashley Dawson?!"
"Yes, this is she :)"
"Hi Ashley, this is John, Bill and Tri's friend."
He said that they had tried using Skype before, but sometimes it just doesn't work so well. So he decided to give the direct line a shot. After explaining that, he gave me a local number, which connected to their 'home' computer in Ohio, and sent it along to them where they were. Which, I found out as the 47-minute conversation progressed, was not Cambodia, but instead, China. Surprises all over the place!
Anyway, we had a great conversation about where they lived, what they were doing, how they had been praying for somebody to join them... And did I still think this was something I was up for? I said it certainly was cool and sounds great, I just haven't made a decision yet. Then he told me about the process for actually making it happen, which brought me round to the reality that was the urgency of making a decision. No pressure, of course, but it would be really great if, for the purpose of getting everything together, should need be, I could let them know that evening. 12 hours later.
I wish my writing skills and mind were fresh enough to put together this vibrant, awesome, well-writted, all-details-included story of how this has all happened, but unfortunately I'm getting a bit sleepy. For this reason, I will bring up the following information/facts/tidbits
-like
-so
- They need someone to teach in the 'Middle School' setting (age 11-14)
- That person would be teaching Oral English
- Room / board covered, small salary paid, just need to purchase plane ticket to get there, which
would be reimbursed later. They would also pay for the ticket back home.
- The term lasts one year
- I would need to be there by August 29th
- Surprise.
There is so much else to mention.. for the sake of selectivity...
- I evaluated my personal reasons for not going, and realized that they were, for the most part, pretty selfish:
*I would not get to visit Tennessee / Candice / Leah, Wendy, Rachel, Matt, Nikki...
* I would not get to visit New Mexico and spend more time with Dad and Kathleen
* It's not home / Mom / Ohio / Schlaegel family...
* I would not be working a "job" that will pay super well (more mom's concern, but I see the validity)
Anyway, it occurred to me that these are completely selfish. I, I, I.
Wasn't it getting through that God had placed this need, this opportunity immediately in front of me? That He was giving me -- me! -- the opportunity to allow him to work through me to help others know how much he loves them!
A couple verses helped me as I considered these things...
Matthew 10:39
"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
2 Corinthians 5: 13-15
"If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
My life is not my own.
Latest news: I called last night, and said yes.
They are devising the contract and will send it today, then it will be official.
Gloria a Dios!
Glory to God.
Just so youall know, I've Sufjan playing on the ipod and all of my favorites have played back-to-back. 4 in a row, now, out of all of them. God loves. God loves us.
(All the Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands
Redford
That Dress Looks Nice on You
Vito's Ordination Song)
About a month ago after church as we were drawing the weekly Schlaegel-Family reunion to a close, I crossed paths with Mrs. Barb Jones. In the process of our catching up, she, like many other inquisitive loved ones as of late, said something to the tune of:
"So I saw that you're all done with school now! That's so great!
What was it you studied again?
What is the plan, now? "
_______
Yes, yes it is!
I studied Missions and the Bible!
Good question!
(Interjection)
HE JUST MADE REPLAY ONE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED ^ FAVORITES, that is, the one that, when I hear it, captivates my heart and reminds that he loves me so so much.. deeply, intimately. So much.
(I am blown away.)
After she heard missions, I believe some synapses flared in her mind that led her to suggest to me
"Oh, welll, speaking of missions, somebody mentioned to me recently something about how they're needing help in China or Japan or something like that. I can't remember which one it is, but I'll just find out and let you know next week!"
Oh my gosh.. He just did it again. The same one, Hes made play, like, every other song.
My heart has that exploding feeling.
Melting, now.
He's doing it again.
So the next week rolls around (June 22nd, now) and to my dismay, I did not see Barb! I did, however, see Ms. Candice, who informed me that someone informed her to inform me ... :) ... that it was neither China, nor Japan, it was Cambodia. I asked her if she knew what 'it' was, exactly. She said she had no clue. I said okiedokie.
After church mom and I stole away to the Worthington Art Festival. Not twenty two minutes after arriving, we ran into Bill and Tri, a husband and wife couple who are friends from church. The inevitable question about education and plans slipped its way in again, which I addressed with all my updates, and even mentioned that somebody mentioned something about Cambodia that could be cool, and it would be neat to learn more about.
Tri said: "Oh! Youuuuuuu're the one Barb talked to! I was the one that told her about that! Bill and I have friends that just left to do missions work, and they're actually looking for [good examples] to hire as English teachers..." She filled me in on more details, and got my information.
Later that week, I got an email from her saying that I should feel free to contact John and Cheri, her friends. I did so. They were nice, and we began to learn more about each other through exchanged emails. At one point about a week later they let me know that if I could send in my resume and picture, they could take a look around to see if there were any schools that could use me. I did so.
That was the last I heard from them since yesterday morning.
My cell phone rang with an unavailable number.
If there is a deep-voiced Bubble-Monster who sound like he's talking underwater, that's who was on the other line. I couldn't understand a thing, so the conversation ended shortly after I kindly suggested the caller might try to call back and hopefully it would work out better!
Five minutes later came another ringadingding on the cell phone. The number started with 861, and was followed by ten other numbers. That's an obscure phone number, I thought. I answered.
"Hello, is this Ashley Dawson?!"
"Yes, this is she :)"
"Hi Ashley, this is John, Bill and Tri's friend."
He said that they had tried using Skype before, but sometimes it just doesn't work so well. So he decided to give the direct line a shot. After explaining that, he gave me a local number, which connected to their 'home' computer in Ohio, and sent it along to them where they were. Which, I found out as the 47-minute conversation progressed, was not Cambodia, but instead, China. Surprises all over the place!
Anyway, we had a great conversation about where they lived, what they were doing, how they had been praying for somebody to join them... And did I still think this was something I was up for? I said it certainly was cool and sounds great, I just haven't made a decision yet. Then he told me about the process for actually making it happen, which brought me round to the reality that was the urgency of making a decision. No pressure, of course, but it would be really great if, for the purpose of getting everything together, should need be, I could let them know that evening. 12 hours later.
I wish my writing skills and mind were fresh enough to put together this vibrant, awesome, well-writted, all-details-included story of how this has all happened, but unfortunately I'm getting a bit sleepy. For this reason, I will bring up the following information/facts/tidbits
-like
-so
- They need someone to teach in the 'Middle School' setting (age 11-14)
- That person would be teaching Oral English
- Room / board covered, small salary paid, just need to purchase plane ticket to get there, which
would be reimbursed later. They would also pay for the ticket back home.
- The term lasts one year
- I would need to be there by August 29th
- Surprise.
There is so much else to mention.. for the sake of selectivity...
- I evaluated my personal reasons for not going, and realized that they were, for the most part, pretty selfish:
*I would not get to visit Tennessee / Candice / Leah, Wendy, Rachel, Matt, Nikki...
* I would not get to visit New Mexico and spend more time with Dad and Kathleen
* It's not home / Mom / Ohio / Schlaegel family...
* I would not be working a "job" that will pay super well (more mom's concern, but I see the validity)
Anyway, it occurred to me that these are completely selfish. I, I, I.
Wasn't it getting through that God had placed this need, this opportunity immediately in front of me? That He was giving me -- me! -- the opportunity to allow him to work through me to help others know how much he loves them!
A couple verses helped me as I considered these things...
Matthew 10:39
"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
2 Corinthians 5: 13-15
"If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
My life is not my own.
Latest news: I called last night, and said yes.
They are devising the contract and will send it today, then it will be official.
Gloria a Dios!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Regarding Life
Take each bit as it comes
Give every bit your best shot.
Keep the big picture in mind (this said, know what that picture is)
But focus on where you are, while you're there.
Give every bit your best shot.
Keep the big picture in mind (this said, know what that picture is)
But focus on where you are, while you're there.
Monday, July 28, 2008
"I'm actually dying for something to live for..."
This was spoken by a 23 year old oxycontin addict, who, despite multiple treatments, has failed to see any alternative.
No other option.
No better hope.
If there is anything I have learned about myself in the last year or so, it is that I hate what the devil is doing to destroy all the potential the Lord has made, the waste he is successfully making of beautiful lives.
I
hate
.pride.
.apathy.
.laziness.
.addiction.
.loneliness.
.selfishness.
.depression.
.hopelessness.
.self-destruction.
I hate what it does to people.
I hate the destruction it brings.
I hate when confusion, neglect, anger, hurt, pain and self-hatred drive people to all of the wrong solutions.
And the devil wins.
There's so much more, though. There is SO much more to life.
God, help us.
Help us to see
Help us to know
Help us to love others
to life
to truth
to you.
No other option.
No better hope.
If there is anything I have learned about myself in the last year or so, it is that I hate what the devil is doing to destroy all the potential the Lord has made, the waste he is successfully making of beautiful lives.
I
hate
.pride.
.apathy.
.laziness.
.addiction.
.loneliness.
.selfishness.
.depression.
.hopelessness.
.self-destruction.
I hate what it does to people.
I hate the destruction it brings.
I hate when confusion, neglect, anger, hurt, pain and self-hatred drive people to all of the wrong solutions.
And the devil wins.
There's so much more, though. There is SO much more to life.
God, help us.
Help us to see
Help us to know
Help us to love others
to life
to truth
to you.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wowee!
So this morning (I feel like a lot of posts start this way,) I came downstairs for yoga and saw the most recent Columbus Monthly issue sitting on our kitchen table. I think one of the doctors mom works with gave her a subscription last Christmas, but I think I'm the only one who reads it. Anyway, I'm thankful for this doctor's generosity because one of the articles caught my eye.
The Couchfire Collective is a Columbus-based Arts collective, working together to nurture their own creativity, as well as to inspire the surrounding community toward artistically-focused betterment. Their article led me to take a look at their website which, after searching a few profiles, led me to CCAD's website. The more I thought about art, the more I realized that I totally should have been taking art classes in High School. Not only does a lot of the pleasure in my life come from discovering and exploring the creativity God blessed me with, but something in me has always resonated with 'the art kids' (or, that is, they are the ones that I feel I would have fit-in best with, given the opportunity. [Since choir satisfied the 'arts' credit, I never got around to giving anything like ceramics or acrylics or drawing a shot.] I in no way want to generalize, but they all seemed so laid back, original, resourceful, and so contentedly focused on something way deeper than all the usual teenage preoccupations. They were, it seemed, open-minded, open-hearted, and overall just like fun people to be around. It's something I always admired. )
Realizing all this, I began to chide myself for not having taken that into account 5 years ago... but I'm confident God had me where he wanted me. Better yet, I realized...
it's not too late to become an art student!
As thoughts of this started bounding around in my mind it was like all these little bits of thought started rolling toward each other to form this MASSIVE snowball of an idea...
BIT 1
CCAD would be cool to attend! But it is expensive. But if I work for the hospital, there is a chance they could support tuition! But surely it has to be something health-related... Art Therapy!
BIT 2
Art therapy could help to enrich others' lives, and I could begin in the hospital setting to found a basic undertaking of the concept and get good experience... then I could use that foundation as a springboard...
BIT 3
... for missions! I could work with children / teens / adults anywhere in the world that are going through tough times, experiencing disabilities, (whatever the situation might be) and introduce art into their lives as a form of creative expression through which they can manipulate the range of their energies and emotions... and by doing so, not only offer them the outlet they might be needing, but at the same time help foster deep within them them and enduring sense of self-esteem and hope, that they might discover a sense of purpose [not by finding a way to escape their problems, but to deal with them in a way that gives them power over their struggle.] Perhaps even later, after everything has been given a chance to develop, there could be a way for them to sell their artwork or something to fund their cause, whatever it might be.
I don't know the details, but I know there is definitely potential.
As I think and pray more about it, I'll be able to more eloquently communicate this vision.
for now I just wanted to get this out there!
God, thank you for putting this in my mind and on my heart!
MASSIVE SNOWBALL
I could use art for missions,
for helping others to live full lives,
to please God through this restoration.
The Couchfire Collective is a Columbus-based Arts collective, working together to nurture their own creativity, as well as to inspire the surrounding community toward artistically-focused betterment. Their article led me to take a look at their website which, after searching a few profiles, led me to CCAD's website. The more I thought about art, the more I realized that I totally should have been taking art classes in High School. Not only does a lot of the pleasure in my life come from discovering and exploring the creativity God blessed me with, but something in me has always resonated with 'the art kids' (or, that is, they are the ones that I feel I would have fit-in best with, given the opportunity. [Since choir satisfied the 'arts' credit, I never got around to giving anything like ceramics or acrylics or drawing a shot.] I in no way want to generalize, but they all seemed so laid back, original, resourceful, and so contentedly focused on something way deeper than all the usual teenage preoccupations. They were, it seemed, open-minded, open-hearted, and overall just like fun people to be around. It's something I always admired. )
Realizing all this, I began to chide myself for not having taken that into account 5 years ago... but I'm confident God had me where he wanted me. Better yet, I realized...
it's not too late to become an art student!
As thoughts of this started bounding around in my mind it was like all these little bits of thought started rolling toward each other to form this MASSIVE snowball of an idea...
BIT 1
CCAD would be cool to attend! But it is expensive. But if I work for the hospital, there is a chance they could support tuition! But surely it has to be something health-related... Art Therapy!
BIT 2
Art therapy could help to enrich others' lives, and I could begin in the hospital setting to found a basic undertaking of the concept and get good experience... then I could use that foundation as a springboard...
BIT 3
... for missions! I could work with children / teens / adults anywhere in the world that are going through tough times, experiencing disabilities, (whatever the situation might be) and introduce art into their lives as a form of creative expression through which they can manipulate the range of their energies and emotions... and by doing so, not only offer them the outlet they might be needing, but at the same time help foster deep within them them and enduring sense of self-esteem and hope, that they might discover a sense of purpose [not by finding a way to escape their problems, but to deal with them in a way that gives them power over their struggle.] Perhaps even later, after everything has been given a chance to develop, there could be a way for them to sell their artwork or something to fund their cause, whatever it might be.
I don't know the details, but I know there is definitely potential.
As I think and pray more about it, I'll be able to more eloquently communicate this vision.
for now I just wanted to get this out there!
God, thank you for putting this in my mind and on my heart!
MASSIVE SNOWBALL
I could use art for missions,
for helping others to live full lives,
to please God through this restoration.
Friday, July 25, 2008
1,Thank You God 2, God is good 3, Ideas for Today
1
Mecidieu
Modeh Ani
Tolulope Olumide
Shukria
Asant'e
Elhmad Allah
Alham du lilah
Deo Gratias
2
Nyame Ye
Tobaiah
Imana ni nziza
John
Chioma
Lezemubato
Bondye Bon
Tuvya
Tobin
3
Make lentil soup for late breakfast
Shower
Relax
Interview
Disc Golf
Laugh
Enjoy
Smile
Love
Pray
Rest
Mecidieu
Modeh Ani
Tolulope Olumide
Shukria
Asant'e
Elhmad Allah
Alham du lilah
Deo Gratias
2
Nyame Ye
Tobaiah
Imana ni nziza
John
Chioma
Lezemubato
Bondye Bon
Tuvya
Tobin
3
Make lentil soup for late breakfast
Shower
Relax
Interview
Disc Golf
Laugh
Enjoy
Smile
Love
Pray
Rest
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Hey, Intimacy
I'll make the coffee
You bring the contemplation
"I like your mug,"
full of appreciation
the littlest things
you know how to admire
the littlest things
you came here for breakfast
and stayed here for lunch
do you like frozen grapes?
cause I have a bunch
(get it, a bunch?)
you knew i must be nerdy,
(i knew you had a hunch)
but you still came at 9:30
(i like that a bunch)
you agree they'd be the perfect treat
for our improv lunch
the littlest things
you know how to admire
the littlest things
because the littlest things you said,
are what comprise the sum
and the more beautiful each little thing,
how stunning, the great one!
we consider the pebble
and remember the boulder
we consider the pebble
and remember the boulder
you're fond of my hair
it's fond of your shoulder
we consider the pebble
and remember the boulder
You bring the contemplation
"I like your mug,"
full of appreciation
the littlest things
you know how to admire
the littlest things
you came here for breakfast
and stayed here for lunch
do you like frozen grapes?
cause I have a bunch
(get it, a bunch?)
you knew i must be nerdy,
(i knew you had a hunch)
but you still came at 9:30
(i like that a bunch)
you agree they'd be the perfect treat
for our improv lunch
the littlest things
you know how to admire
the littlest things
because the littlest things you said,
are what comprise the sum
and the more beautiful each little thing,
how stunning, the great one!
we consider the pebble
and remember the boulder
we consider the pebble
and remember the boulder
you're fond of my hair
it's fond of your shoulder
we consider the pebble
and remember the boulder
Friday, July 11, 2008
In Jesus' name, Amen.
I'm in this state of calm shock and slight wonder as I think about the last two months of my life, and I pray God helps me sort through these proceeding thoughts in order to bring about some sort of result or conclusion that will please and glorify him, if not clear up some of the muddle.
So :
- There is no more school (for the time being) to be thinking about
- Zero homework responsibilities
- I'm not financially responsible for my groceries
- There is no tuition / rent / room & board sort-of-fee to think about
- I have access to a zillion library books (in two different municipal locations!) with the turn of a
key and a few miles' drive
- I'm totally free of any work schedule
- I'm an American citizen
- I am a redeemed child of God, thanks to his love
Therefore :
I must be the most free girl in the world!
You might say I'm living the good life. It has certainly been a blessing.
My mind should feel more liberated than it did in Kindergarten,
but :
for some reason, it doesn't.
And that's no fault of my mind, I'm sure.
I believe it's my own fault, and I'd like to get to the bottom of it.
(What a shame it is to have every freedom, and yet know no liberation!)
So, what is keeping my mind so blocked? What could I possibly be so hung up on that causes me to disable myself from experiencing the full extent of God's peace
_____________________
So I wrote all this, then pressed shift+enter to make a clean new line when, at the exact same time, some related pop-up box did what it does best, causing me to unknowingly consent to the affirmative of its offer and totally end the writing process. Aka, all the above was gone and I was back to the home page. Without all of the above. It was not my favorite feeling. It took me a few minutes to remember how -- a long, agonizing few minutes of debating between trying to start all over and making a completely new post -- but memory and perseverance thankfully got the better of me, and now I'm back here.
But not without a new surge of thought. This is what I wrote in between the beginning of this post and thiiiiiiiiiiiis exact point:
"Spiritual warfare is an outrageous thing. I pray God allows the following post to
flow well and uninterrupted, that he might help me to learn more about myself and
what He desires for my life where I am, right now.
I don't know a lot about it, but I know it has an uncanny way of making life
inconvenient and difficult.
There is this battle going on for my mind right now. I was just making a new post
(getting pretty deep into my own mind to try and ) "
that's the point that I realized all hope was not lost. Thank the Lord and the developers of this website for the auto save function. Back to where we started, now...
____________________
... I left off in the middle of an attempt to figure out what exactly was causing my mind to be so blocked off from the freedom I could be knowing... and.. maybe it does have a little to do with spiritual warfare? I'm not saying I have everything right and the devil is just wiggling his little butt in between my mind and God's peace and pushing his arms out on either side to get them as far away from each other as possible... but it might have a little to do with what is going on.
In my devotion this morning, I was offered these verses:
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of
God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle
is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,
against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the
heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of
evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done
everything, to stand.
- Ephesians 6:10-13
You might say they were well-timed. I think God has a good way of doing things like that.
One thing I have thought a lot about lately is getting a job. There are sundry good reasons for doing so:
- To develop personal responsibility
- To create some sort of financial foundation for the rest of my life
- To keep my gas tank full
- To support my thrifting / fine groceries expenditures
- To meet new people
- To learn new things
and various other advantages.
Now me, I'm a do-er. I like to search. I like to research. I like to spend my time searchkindly.com and wikipedia-ing the answers to many of the questions that come my way in the course of my daily life. It is satisfying to finally know how my stomach growls, what the weather will be like next Thursday, what makes my eye twitch. I thought it would be just as satisfying to explore the various job-listing possibilities for an opportunity to do some good hard work.
And it has been nice to know what's out there, to know that I'm trying, to come up with a resume and let it work its magic. But it has taken a lot of time.
I don't think it's a bad thing, to spend time on those sorts of pursuits, but I think I have managed to make it slightly disadvantageous by spending more time thinking about jobs than thinking about Jesus.
Where do I draw a balance?
At what point do I concede from the steady effort and say "okay, Lord. I will maintain an open mind and open eye for other possibilities that I may have missed, or that you might find to be better-suited for what you have in mind for me. But for now, I will stop searching like I have been"?
It's not just job searching that has my mind occupied, I guess. I have been doing a lot of searching about schools and possibilities for future endeavors, too. I have been searching program listings and university websites to find that gem of a degree, the thing I might want to study, to learn more about.
I have utilized the map function of searchkindly.com time and time again to calculate the distance from here to there, home to work, Ohio to New Mexico, New Mexico to Oregon.
I am trying so desperately to search for what God might want from my life, when really He might want something completely different, when really He might want my search to start somewhere else, when really he might not call for this sort of searching at all...
Could it be we start finding when we stop looking?
That I start discovering when I stop searching?
How do I stop 'searching,' yet still actively pursue what God wills for my life?
Is there a balance?
If so, where?
I just want God to have compleeeeeeete control. Just to take over everything. What does this look like?
I know he has a FANTASTIC plan for me, for you, for all of us that He will be -- is -- setting in motion in order to let his glory shine full-force, so I feel absolutely comfortable, or at least, absolutely confident, about asking him to take over. I just don't know if I'm doing it right, if I'm letting him do so.
I pray God, that you take over, and that you teach me how not to get in the way of that. I just want to do what you want me to do, God. Help me to discover what that is. May my feet and my hands and my mind and every part of me always be engaged in exactly what pleases you.
Maybe there are a million things I could be doing to please him. Maybe he doesn't want me to think that I have to be 'doing' anything at all. I really don't know. But he does. I'm absolutely dependent on his grace and mercy for every move I make.
So :
- There is no more school (for the time being) to be thinking about
- Zero homework responsibilities
- I'm not financially responsible for my groceries
- There is no tuition / rent / room & board sort-of-fee to think about
- I have access to a zillion library books (in two different municipal locations!) with the turn of a
key and a few miles' drive
- I'm totally free of any work schedule
- I'm an American citizen
- I am a redeemed child of God, thanks to his love
Therefore :
I must be the most free girl in the world!
You might say I'm living the good life. It has certainly been a blessing.
My mind should feel more liberated than it did in Kindergarten,
but :
for some reason, it doesn't.
And that's no fault of my mind, I'm sure.
I believe it's my own fault, and I'd like to get to the bottom of it.
(What a shame it is to have every freedom, and yet know no liberation!)
So, what is keeping my mind so blocked? What could I possibly be so hung up on that causes me to disable myself from experiencing the full extent of God's peace
_____________________
So I wrote all this, then pressed shift+enter to make a clean new line when, at the exact same time, some related pop-up box did what it does best, causing me to unknowingly consent to the affirmative of its offer and totally end the writing process. Aka, all the above was gone and I was back to the home page. Without all of the above. It was not my favorite feeling. It took me a few minutes to remember how -- a long, agonizing few minutes of debating between trying to start all over and making a completely new post -- but memory and perseverance thankfully got the better of me, and now I'm back here.
But not without a new surge of thought. This is what I wrote in between the beginning of this post and thiiiiiiiiiiiis exact point:
"Spiritual warfare is an outrageous thing. I pray God allows the following post to
flow well and uninterrupted, that he might help me to learn more about myself and
what He desires for my life where I am, right now.
I don't know a lot about it, but I know it has an uncanny way of making life
inconvenient and difficult.
There is this battle going on for my mind right now. I was just making a new post
(getting pretty deep into my own mind to try and ) "
that's the point that I realized all hope was not lost. Thank the Lord and the developers of this website for the auto save function. Back to where we started, now...
____________________
... I left off in the middle of an attempt to figure out what exactly was causing my mind to be so blocked off from the freedom I could be knowing... and.. maybe it does have a little to do with spiritual warfare? I'm not saying I have everything right and the devil is just wiggling his little butt in between my mind and God's peace and pushing his arms out on either side to get them as far away from each other as possible... but it might have a little to do with what is going on.
In my devotion this morning, I was offered these verses:
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of
God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle
is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,
against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the
heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of
evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done
everything, to stand.
- Ephesians 6:10-13
You might say they were well-timed. I think God has a good way of doing things like that.
One thing I have thought a lot about lately is getting a job. There are sundry good reasons for doing so:
- To develop personal responsibility
- To create some sort of financial foundation for the rest of my life
- To keep my gas tank full
- To support my thrifting / fine groceries expenditures
- To meet new people
- To learn new things
and various other advantages.
Now me, I'm a do-er. I like to search. I like to research. I like to spend my time searchkindly.com and wikipedia-ing the answers to many of the questions that come my way in the course of my daily life. It is satisfying to finally know how my stomach growls, what the weather will be like next Thursday, what makes my eye twitch. I thought it would be just as satisfying to explore the various job-listing possibilities for an opportunity to do some good hard work.
And it has been nice to know what's out there, to know that I'm trying, to come up with a resume and let it work its magic. But it has taken a lot of time.
I don't think it's a bad thing, to spend time on those sorts of pursuits, but I think I have managed to make it slightly disadvantageous by spending more time thinking about jobs than thinking about Jesus.
Where do I draw a balance?
At what point do I concede from the steady effort and say "okay, Lord. I will maintain an open mind and open eye for other possibilities that I may have missed, or that you might find to be better-suited for what you have in mind for me. But for now, I will stop searching like I have been"?
It's not just job searching that has my mind occupied, I guess. I have been doing a lot of searching about schools and possibilities for future endeavors, too. I have been searching program listings and university websites to find that gem of a degree, the thing I might want to study, to learn more about.
I have utilized the map function of searchkindly.com time and time again to calculate the distance from here to there, home to work, Ohio to New Mexico, New Mexico to Oregon.
I am trying so desperately to search for what God might want from my life, when really He might want something completely different, when really He might want my search to start somewhere else, when really he might not call for this sort of searching at all...
Could it be we start finding when we stop looking?
That I start discovering when I stop searching?
How do I stop 'searching,' yet still actively pursue what God wills for my life?
Is there a balance?
If so, where?
I just want God to have compleeeeeeete control. Just to take over everything. What does this look like?
I know he has a FANTASTIC plan for me, for you, for all of us that He will be -- is -- setting in motion in order to let his glory shine full-force, so I feel absolutely comfortable, or at least, absolutely confident, about asking him to take over. I just don't know if I'm doing it right, if I'm letting him do so.
I pray God, that you take over, and that you teach me how not to get in the way of that. I just want to do what you want me to do, God. Help me to discover what that is. May my feet and my hands and my mind and every part of me always be engaged in exactly what pleases you.
Maybe there are a million things I could be doing to please him. Maybe he doesn't want me to think that I have to be 'doing' anything at all. I really don't know. But he does. I'm absolutely dependent on his grace and mercy for every move I make.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
It's all good
"A man's steps are directed by the Lord,
How then can anyone understand his own way?"
- Proverbs 20:24
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed."
- Proverbs 16:3
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6
How then can anyone understand his own way?"
- Proverbs 20:24
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed."
- Proverbs 16:3
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6
Sunday, June 29, 2008
This morning
I told mom "I feel like something cool is going to happen today."
As I came downstairs to start some laundry, I had a thought.
What if the end of the world happened today?
Whoa!
At first I felt excited, but then a little guilty... a little burdened, kinda. If this life of mine were to end today, I can't say I'd be too disappointed! I love what 'life' is, what it has come to mean for me where I am right now; the people in it, this new stage I'm exploring... but I know that what I have to look forward to -- the sights, the sounds, (or whatever perceptions we might come to know)-- is much more fantastic than even the sweetest scene I could ever imagine witnessing, the most beautiful song I could ever hear. To praise God and celebrate His Kingdom perpetually with others of that same focus! [Isn't that the way we're supposed to live our lives now, anyway?] I know people say they can only imagine, but I admit I have a hard time doing even that! There is everything to look forward to.
But what about for people that have no idea what that feels like? No fantastic picture of hope, much less any reception of that concept, at all? That's the clincher. The thing that always gets me when I start to think about this world pulling its end cover shut. According to what I believe, what the Word of God tells me about these things, the outlook for them isn't nearly as hopeful.
There is absolutely nothing to look forward to.
That hurts to think about. It kind of provides a better understanding about why a lot of people live the way they do, though. But it still hurts.
There is a lot more that needs to be explored and said about this, but I've got some showering and malt-o-mealing to do in time to head to church.
I'll end with a couple things for now --
1) How should we best respond to this? Street corner preaching? Is it enough to live in a
God-pleasing way with our 'everyday' jobs, so long as we're sincerely focused on bringing glory to Him?
2) This morning's devotion (which came after the laundry got started) listed Isaiah 35:2, and then proceeded with this message.
"Yes or no. I like these kinds of answers -- black and white responses to questions that I can neatly
fit into two distinct categories. Most of the time, God's answer to us isn't so clean cut. In the thick of
our problems, we forget that our chief purpose is not to get a yes or no from God but to glorify Him
in whatever kind of answer we receive.
Remember, it isn't about us. It's easy to be caught up in how we will fair at the end of our respective
storms, but in the end God is always sovereign, and our situations provide the perfect opportunity
for His sovereignty to be displayed. Look at what He did for Peter. God didn't immediately remove
him from persecution; instead God allowed the situation to develop so Peter's life would be a
testimony of God's love and provision for His people."
As I came downstairs to start some laundry, I had a thought.
What if the end of the world happened today?
Whoa!
At first I felt excited, but then a little guilty... a little burdened, kinda. If this life of mine were to end today, I can't say I'd be too disappointed! I love what 'life' is, what it has come to mean for me where I am right now; the people in it, this new stage I'm exploring... but I know that what I have to look forward to -- the sights, the sounds, (or whatever perceptions we might come to know)-- is much more fantastic than even the sweetest scene I could ever imagine witnessing, the most beautiful song I could ever hear. To praise God and celebrate His Kingdom perpetually with others of that same focus! [Isn't that the way we're supposed to live our lives now, anyway?] I know people say they can only imagine, but I admit I have a hard time doing even that! There is everything to look forward to.
But what about for people that have no idea what that feels like? No fantastic picture of hope, much less any reception of that concept, at all? That's the clincher. The thing that always gets me when I start to think about this world pulling its end cover shut. According to what I believe, what the Word of God tells me about these things, the outlook for them isn't nearly as hopeful.
There is absolutely nothing to look forward to.
That hurts to think about. It kind of provides a better understanding about why a lot of people live the way they do, though. But it still hurts.
There is a lot more that needs to be explored and said about this, but I've got some showering and malt-o-mealing to do in time to head to church.
I'll end with a couple things for now --
1) How should we best respond to this? Street corner preaching? Is it enough to live in a
God-pleasing way with our 'everyday' jobs, so long as we're sincerely focused on bringing glory to Him?
2) This morning's devotion (which came after the laundry got started) listed Isaiah 35:2, and then proceeded with this message.
"Yes or no. I like these kinds of answers -- black and white responses to questions that I can neatly
fit into two distinct categories. Most of the time, God's answer to us isn't so clean cut. In the thick of
our problems, we forget that our chief purpose is not to get a yes or no from God but to glorify Him
in whatever kind of answer we receive.
Remember, it isn't about us. It's easy to be caught up in how we will fair at the end of our respective
storms, but in the end God is always sovereign, and our situations provide the perfect opportunity
for His sovereignty to be displayed. Look at what He did for Peter. God didn't immediately remove
him from persecution; instead God allowed the situation to develop so Peter's life would be a
testimony of God's love and provision for His people."
Saturday, June 28, 2008
naturally
Taken from the journal, the kind with a cover, lots of pages... everything! from last night.
I had tea late tonight, and so I feel inspired. Due to the late-night nature of this inspiration, however, my options for (creative) outlet are limited. What better excuse could there be to (supplant(?)) this habit... desire... to write?
I guess I could paint a picture to express myself, but, let's face it -- I'm not a painter.
I like to paint. I can get into it.
But it's not what comes naturally.
WRITING, though...
Writing happens. Sometimes, it seems,
I have no choice.
Of course, I could just choose not to write.
But then that would just feel more wrong than it would be unnatural to pick up a paint
brush at the first whiff of anguish or discovery to come along.
If I've learned anything consistently over the years (besides the nature of God's amazing
love and grace,) it is that we do ourselves a disservice to suppress our natural tendencies.
[So long as they aren't malign or harmful to others.]
Not only this, but we generally tend to make matters worse by perfecting suppression and
moving to even adopting someone else's full characteristic. Their own,
uniquely-designed, 'natural tendency.'
We trust theirs more than our own; and why? Because it is so appealing? Surely. It
brings us confidence because it works. We enjoy seeing the appeal it injects into / causes to
seep from our lives.
But then.
Oh, but then.
It doesn't matter who you are; t h e n you realize...
it's not right!
It works. You like it. You could get into it.
But you know deep down it's simply not you.
--> (Bullet points cause my hand's gettin tired and my mind slower)
--> Self-dissin ~ further potential / likelihood to push "SELF" down
--> but you know better; you realize. You champion the situation. You humbly
acknowledge your former misguidedness and begin to learn, trust, love
YOURSELF.
Your natural tendencies.
A n d i t ' s a m a z i n . : ) .
It's vibrant, it's expressive,
it's natural, it's bold,
it's beautiful,
it's YOu! :D
And it's your contribution to the world
to this life, to God.
His gift to you, your gift back when you tailor yourself and your life to fit His will,
uniquely, divinely.
So find it. Trust it. Love it.
Praise God with it.
I had tea late tonight, and so I feel inspired. Due to the late-night nature of this inspiration, however, my options for (creative) outlet are limited. What better excuse could there be to (supplant(?)) this habit... desire... to write?
I guess I could paint a picture to express myself, but, let's face it -- I'm not a painter.
I like to paint. I can get into it.
But it's not what comes naturally.
WRITING, though...
Writing happens. Sometimes, it seems,
I have no choice.
Of course, I could just choose not to write.
But then that would just feel more wrong than it would be unnatural to pick up a paint
brush at the first whiff of anguish or discovery to come along.
If I've learned anything consistently over the years (besides the nature of God's amazing
love and grace,) it is that we do ourselves a disservice to suppress our natural tendencies.
[So long as they aren't malign or harmful to others.]
Not only this, but we generally tend to make matters worse by perfecting suppression and
moving to even adopting someone else's full characteristic. Their own,
uniquely-designed, 'natural tendency.'
We trust theirs more than our own; and why? Because it is so appealing? Surely. It
brings us confidence because it works. We enjoy seeing the appeal it injects into / causes to
seep from our lives.
But then.
Oh, but then.
It doesn't matter who you are; t h e n you realize...
it's not right!
It works. You like it. You could get into it.
But you know deep down it's simply not you.
--> (Bullet points cause my hand's gettin tired and my mind slower)
--> Self-dissin ~ further potential / likelihood to push "SELF" down
--> but you know better; you realize. You champion the situation. You humbly
acknowledge your former misguidedness and begin to learn, trust, love
YOURSELF.
Your natural tendencies.
A n d i t ' s a m a z i n . : ) .
It's vibrant, it's expressive,
it's natural, it's bold,
it's beautiful,
it's YOu! :D
And it's your contribution to the world
to this life, to God.
His gift to you, your gift back when you tailor yourself and your life to fit His will,
uniquely, divinely.
So find it. Trust it. Love it.
Praise God with it.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
It's time to get serious...
"The Kingdom of heaven/God in the preaching of Jesus as recounted in the Gospels is the reign of God that he brings about through Jesus Christ -- i.e., the establishment of God's rule in the hearts and lives of his people, the overcoming of all the forces of evil, the removal from the world of all the consequences of sin -- including death and all that diminishes life -- and the creation of a new order of righteousness and peace. The idea of God's kingdom is central to Jesus' teaching and is mentioned 50 times in Matthew alone."
Wowee.
What does God's Kingdom look like on earth?
Are we living to perpetuate these things? [If not, what are we doing? Or, better question:]
What could we be doing now to more completely promote God's Kingdom?
Wowee.
What does God's Kingdom look like on earth?
Are we living to perpetuate these things? [If not, what are we doing? Or, better question:]
What could we be doing now to more completely promote God's Kingdom?
Diggin It!
"The word 'vegetarian' is a term derived from the Latin 'vegetus,' meaning 'whole, sound, fresh, lively."
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I've got the Portland pouts
Ahhh Pacific! Ahhh Washington! Ahh Oregon! Ah, Califoooooornia! Whyyyyyy
must we be sooo far apart?
Every time I rationalize, sell myself on some reason that it makes sense to be distanced,
"that's just the way it is" and whatnot
every time
I think I'm over you,
West coast,
and oooooh, you just come f l o o d i n g back to me !
in large, powerful ocean swells!
in subtly powerful pacific sunsets!
in reference after agonizingly delightful reference to your fantastically
herbivore-friendly
co-op position-hiring
bike-riding
Portland population!
I would drive to you in a second
but mom puts her foot down
not on the gas pedal though, of course.
Someday! someday. someday.
has become the all-too-familiar refrain
Wait till you're older.
You'll have a chance to do it someday.
Life is so short though, I want to say!
Why must I wait for someday
when i have today?!
This is perhaps the most opportune time of my life
I want to say.
But I'm twenty.
and I'm female.
and my mom is my insurance provider.
i don't mean for this to be a complaint,
i rather enjoy this awkward age
rather a lot!
but it doesn't provide for much leverage in the convincing of my madre of the legitimacy of my traveling endeavors.
that's all i'm sayin i guess.
Still, praise God, there is a confidence to be found in God's timing.
Consider me a very confident young lady.
(With God's help, of course :))
I can't wait to write to you about all my adventures :O), wherever
and whenever
they take place.
Love,
Ashley :)
must we be sooo far apart?
Every time I rationalize, sell myself on some reason that it makes sense to be distanced,
"that's just the way it is" and whatnot
every time
I think I'm over you,
West coast,
and oooooh, you just come f l o o d i n g back to me !
in large, powerful ocean swells!
in subtly powerful pacific sunsets!
in reference after agonizingly delightful reference to your fantastically
herbivore-friendly
co-op position-hiring
bike-riding
Portland population!
I would drive to you in a second
but mom puts her foot down
not on the gas pedal though, of course.
Someday! someday. someday.
has become the all-too-familiar refrain
Wait till you're older.
You'll have a chance to do it someday.
Life is so short though, I want to say!
Why must I wait for someday
when i have today?!
This is perhaps the most opportune time of my life
I want to say.
But I'm twenty.
and I'm female.
and my mom is my insurance provider.
i don't mean for this to be a complaint,
i rather enjoy this awkward age
rather a lot!
but it doesn't provide for much leverage in the convincing of my madre of the legitimacy of my traveling endeavors.
that's all i'm sayin i guess.
Still, praise God, there is a confidence to be found in God's timing.
Consider me a very confident young lady.
(With God's help, of course :))
I can't wait to write to you about all my adventures :O), wherever
and whenever
they take place.
Love,
Ashley :)
Monday, May 12, 2008
Well it's 1:41 am and thanks to the vanilla.soy-enhanced tea earlier, I'm nowhere near bed. What better to do, then, then think / type / create some sort of introspective-yet-generally-applicable ramble(?)
Or maybe just think about what tomorrow might include.
Or maybe just allow for some unrestricted, not-necessarily-organized thought. I think I like that option the best.
In that case,
#1: I miss North Carolina. I haven't seen a whooole lot of it, but the parts that I have been blessed enough to mingle in have --effortlessly, it seems -- managed to leave an impression on me. I can't deny that its people have a part in it, but on an equal slant, its super super natural beauty-- dark but lovely, bright but unassertive -- is beyond forgetting. I miss Boone, I miss that spot on the drive through the mountains that looks like the ocean in the distance, I miss Asheville. I'm so thankful for what North Carolina, piece by piece, has meant to me over the past couple of years. buuuut i miss it. buuut i trust God will make of this what He will.
#2: For whatever reason, film-making has greatly intrigued me, lately. Not like the big-scale, big time productions, but the small, simple (but so significant) ones. There's just something about preserving memories. About revealing a truth. About that feeling you get at the end of a movie -- that inspired one, that post-film buzz that really gets you going and motivates you beyond what you were before.
#3: The future looks like this:
Options, options!
I'm grateful for options, choosing is unnaturally (and probably unnecessarily) 'tough'
but it makes for a good-natured sort of predicament.
but anyway, the options:
(*) Head to West Africa in Jan. or February to teach missionary neen-yos as a Short-Term Assistant for about 7 months
(*) Attend the University of New Mexico in the fall to start on a Nutrition degree. Probably with a focus on community health. Probably in such a way that I could apply it to missions, for contributing to the well-being of communities any/every where in the world, even in the U.S.!
(*) Pursue a year-long internship with ECHO to learn mas y mas about horticulture and such
(*) Stop thinking about nailing down a specific plan! Pursue God and trust Him for the rest!
The fourth one seems the most 'faithful' and obedient to God's general desire for us as His creation -- that is, to not 'worry' about such things, to seek to please Him in everything I do and trust that doing so will, step-by-step, take me into a meaningful state of being in this life and in my relationship with Him -- but somehow, even though this is what I 'should' do, I generally find myself a little more occupied with the planning and researching and the sorting-out of details. But it doesn't exactly bring peace. I'm not saying planning is wrong -- I rather think it's a privileged responsibility -- but I am saying that I've not been supporting the other side of things as dutifully as I should.
It feels good to have established this, hopefully it will cause me to feel more accountable, to be more effective in pursuing God and God only. That's all I really want to do, deep down. What's keeping me back? What will move me forward?
Ayy, ayudame, porfavor.
Paz y muchas gracias,
Ashli : )
Or maybe just think about what tomorrow might include.
Or maybe just allow for some unrestricted, not-necessarily-organized thought. I think I like that option the best.
In that case,
#1: I miss North Carolina. I haven't seen a whooole lot of it, but the parts that I have been blessed enough to mingle in have --effortlessly, it seems -- managed to leave an impression on me. I can't deny that its people have a part in it, but on an equal slant, its super super natural beauty-- dark but lovely, bright but unassertive -- is beyond forgetting. I miss Boone, I miss that spot on the drive through the mountains that looks like the ocean in the distance, I miss Asheville. I'm so thankful for what North Carolina, piece by piece, has meant to me over the past couple of years. buuuut i miss it. buuut i trust God will make of this what He will.
#2: For whatever reason, film-making has greatly intrigued me, lately. Not like the big-scale, big time productions, but the small, simple (but so significant) ones. There's just something about preserving memories. About revealing a truth. About that feeling you get at the end of a movie -- that inspired one, that post-film buzz that really gets you going and motivates you beyond what you were before.
#3: The future looks like this:
Options, options!
I'm grateful for options, choosing is unnaturally (and probably unnecessarily) 'tough'
but it makes for a good-natured sort of predicament.
but anyway, the options:
(*) Head to West Africa in Jan. or February to teach missionary neen-yos as a Short-Term Assistant for about 7 months
(*) Attend the University of New Mexico in the fall to start on a Nutrition degree. Probably with a focus on community health. Probably in such a way that I could apply it to missions, for contributing to the well-being of communities any/every where in the world, even in the U.S.!
(*) Pursue a year-long internship with ECHO
(*) Stop thinking about nailing down a specific plan! Pursue God and trust Him for the rest!
The fourth one seems the most 'faithful' and obedient to God's general desire for us as His creation -- that is, to not 'worry' about such things, to seek to please Him in everything I do and trust that doing so will, step-by-step, take me into a meaningful state of being in this life and in my relationship with Him -- but somehow, even though this is what I 'should' do, I generally find myself a little more occupied with the planning and researching and the sorting-out of details. But it doesn't exactly bring peace. I'm not saying planning is wrong -- I rather think it's a privileged responsibility -- but I am saying that I've not been supporting the other side of things as dutifully as I should.
It feels good to have established this, hopefully it will cause me to feel more accountable, to be more effective in pursuing God and God only. That's all I really want to do, deep down. What's keeping me back? What will move me forward?
Ayy, ayudame, porfavor.
Paz y muchas gracias,
Ashli : )
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